5 shows that save the summer
- Breaking Bad – You don’t mess with Heisenberg.
- Curb Your Enthusiasm – I would love to have the balls to social assassin everyone I know.
- True Blood – Eric Northman.
- Louie - Funny in the awkward, horrifying way.
- Rescue Me – It's ready to be over. The women are awful caricatures of real people.
5 shows that have jumped the shark and need to end:
- Desperate Housewives – Thankfully, it’s ending in 2012.
- Entourage - I gave up 2 years ago. I was going to watch this season until I found out Andrew Dice Clay was on it.
- Grey’s Anatomy - Even though I’ve never seen an episode, I know it’s time for it to go.
- House – FOX wouldn’t sign Cuddy to a new contract, so let’s wrap it up.
- Two & a Half Men - Ashton Kutcher should just take over the role of Charlie Harper like they do in soaps and on Bewitched.
5 shows I should have been watching from the beginning:
- Friday Night Lights – I love it and I’m starting season 4 tonight
- The Good Wife – I got through a couple of season 1 discs – it’s pretty good.
- The Mentalist - Tina Fey mentioned it on 30 Rock, so that’s good enough for me.
- Sons of Anarchy – This will be the next show I stream on Netflix.
- Fringe - I watch every other sci-fi show, but have never made an effort with this one.
5 shows that hardly anyone (I know) is watching, so I have no one to talk to them about:
- Nurse Jackie - just my Aunt Judy – awesome show and your life is worse without it.
- Nikita - only Loretta and Jason – I think it’s badass.
- Bored to Death – no one at all, someone check it out on OnDemand.
- V – Karen and Mark, but now it’s canceled which makes this moot.
- Hung – again no one. I like Thomas Jane, and the show is alright.
5 shows I watch but don’t really tell people:
- Drop Dead Diva – It’s not so bad.
- Mike & Molly – I worked with Billy Gardell once and I really liked Melissa McCarthy on Gilmore Girls, but the laugh track is painful.
- The Biggest Loser - I fast forward through everything but the challenges and the weigh-ins. Go cry to your mama because I don’t want to hear it! I gave up when they brought in Anna Kournikova!
- Memphis Beat – I really like Jason Lee even though he lip-synchs and is a Scientologist.
- Reruns of The New Adventures of Old Christine – It’s on constantly and I watch them all. I've switched to 30 Rock and The Big Bang Theory.
The 5 Worst Emmy Snubs:
- Merrit Wever, Nurse Jackie – I don’t know if she is that dorky and strange in real life, but she is absolutely brilliant.
- Garret Dillahunt, Raising Hope – He’s the best part of the show.
- Nick Offerman, Parks & Recreation – He’s great in an amazing ensemble cast, but none of them get any love because Modern Family hogged all the nominations. And Jon Cryer again, really Emmy people, really?!?
- Cougar Town – It’s so much better than The Office, Glee and The Big Bang Theory. Move past the title; it’s really just a bunch of friends drinking and ripping on each other.
- Joel Kinnaman, The Killing – He was so squirrely and untrustworthy and he’s from Sweden!
If TV had Razzie Awards, the 5 nominees would be:
- Evan Rachel Wood, True Blood – Her character is dead now because she was a giant hambone.
- Rutina Wesley (Tara), True Blood – I hate this character and actress. Please be violently killed soon.
- Gwyneth Paltrow, Glee – She’s so hacky and showy, and stop annihilating Prince songs.
- Matthew Perry, Mr. Sunshine – He must have gotten a headache from raising his eyebrows so much. Plus, he is one of the few men that is aging poorly; he looks like a bloated owl.
- The guy that plays Vince Maranto on Mike & Molly – I apologize to the character’s namesake who is a good comic, but he is too cheeseball to ignore.
5 questions that need to be answered as soon as possible in the upcoming television season:
- Who killed Rosie Larsen? We should have found out in June.
- Why is Mac fat? I'm so intrigued by the commercials.
- Will Jules get pregnant? Please no, we all know that babies ruin everything, especially TV shows. And Courteney Cox is 47.
- Will anyone remember what happened on Mad Men when they finally air a new episode?
- I have a thousand questions about what will happen in Game of Thrones, but my main concern is will the wolves survive?
