My Emmy Picks 2015

I'm getting this in just under the wire, but I have completed my self-given mission to watch all the episodes submitted by the actors for the Emmys.  Unlike the Oscars, the Emmys have a committee of people for each category and they have to watch all the episodes in a marathon to be able to vote.  I had to watch roughly 35 hours of TV, plus all of Bloodline to avoid spoilers; it's pretty good.  I already watched 13 of the 14 series nominated (sorry Silicon Valley), so I didn't rewatch the 6 chosen.  I ranked them in order of deservedness and the asterisks mean that they were one of my picks to be nominated.  I can't do this without spoilers, but I'll try with Bloodline because you should watch it.

BEST COMEDY SERIES:

5. LOUIE - It's just watching an awkward, sad guy instead of a comedy.

4. MODERN FAMILY - It still has its moments.

3. PARKS AND RECREATION - Treat yo self after 7 solid seasons.

7. SILICON VALLEY - Maybe I'll catch up OnDemand.

6. TRANSPARENT - This is not a comedy.  It's ironic that people thought the Bluths were unlikable because this family is the whiniest, most annoying, self-centered group of jagoffs in TV history.

*1. UNBREAKABLE KIMMY SCHMIDT - So many weird and awesome throwaway lines.  Everyone needs to watch this, probably more than once, and definitely with closed captions.

*2. VEEP - Is this a foreshadowing America?  Not a female President, just an incompetant one.  Oh yeah, I'm political.

BEST COMEDY ACTRESS:  Ellie Kemper was robbed!

4. Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie - "I Say a Little Prayer" - The character had worn out her welcome, so her possible death was not such a shock.

*2. Lisa Kudrow, The Comeback -  "Valerie Is Taken Seriously" - Hard to watch, but in a good way. 

*3. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep - "Election Night" - She's good but also has a lot of Emmys - let's spread it around. 

*1. Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation - "One Last Ride" - I would like her to win in her last chance, but this is the sappy last epsiode.  I prefer frantic and manic Leslie the 'Bitch Boss.'

6. Amy Schumer, Inside Amy Schumer - "Cool With It" - While I did laugh, I think sketch should be in a different category. 

5. Lily Tomlin, Grace and Frankie - "The Vows" - She should have picked a different episode.  I liked when they dressed each other and were fun - because it's a comedy.

BEST COMEDY ACTOR:  Tambor should and will win for the whole season, but...

7. Anthony Anderson, Black-ish - "Sex, Lies and Vasectomies" - This was the only epsiode I've ever seen and I found it to be completely sexist and hacky.  The men cringe when the female co-worker mentions her period.  He lied about his vasectomy - so did Jackson on The Gilmore Girls.

5. Don Cheadle, House of Lies - "It's a Box Inside a Box" - He's still Don Cheadle just fast-talking and a touch smarmier.

4. Louis C.K., Louie - "Bobby's House" - He gets completely emasculated, violated and dumped.  Cue the tears.

*1. Will Forte, The Last Man on Earth - "Alive in Tucson" - He was only one in it, except for his not-so-supportive undies.

*3. Matt LeBlanc, Episodes - "Episode 405" - Joey Tribbiani is out of money and getting old, but he's really slutty and swears a lot.

6. William H. Macy, Shameless - "A Night to Remem - Wait, What?" - This show might be popular, but I don't like any of these characters' decisions and they aren't charming or funny enough to make me watch the resolutions.

*2. Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent - "The Letting Go" - This was not the best ep to choose.  While he does have a nice coming out moment, he's only in like 3 scenes.  The horrible family clogs up the rest.

BEST COMEDY SUPPORTING ACTRESS:  Carol Kane was also robbed!  I really like that show!  Watch it!

3. Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory - "The Prom Equivalency" - She had some nice moments with Sheldon and got an "I love you."

4. Julie Bowen, Modern Family - "Valentine's Day 4: Twisted Sister" - Same old Claire.

2. Anna Chlumsky, Veep - "Convention" - She has an awesome blow-up at JLD and calls her useless and terrible.

5. Gaby Hoffmann, Transparent - "Rollin'" - Knowing she was in Uncle Buck and seeing her now is very distracting.  She's also a really disgusting and unsympathetic character.

7. Allison Janney, Mom - "Dropped Soap and a Big Guy on a Throne" - She would have been last if not for my sketch comedy rule.  This show is terrible and watching 22 minutes has irreparably damaged my intelligence.  For shame, Emmy voters.

1. Jane Krakowski, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - "Kimmy Gets a Job" - She never won for 30 Rock and she's playing a closeted Native American who turned into a nouveau riche C-bomb.  Cousin Vicki became a gold digger.

8. Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live - "Host: Taraji P. Henson" - Again with the sketch comedy.  Plus, she got upstaged by Darrell Hammond.

6. Niecy Nash, Getting On - "7th Annual Christmas Card Competition" - I've never seen this show, but there has to be an episode where something happens or she makes an expression.  This was a terrible choice.  She should have submitted an old Reno 911.

BEST COMEDY SUPPORTING ACTOR:  This was a tricky one to rate, they all had strong eps.

5. Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine - "The Mole" - He's solid, but didn't have any showy moments like the other guys.

*1. Tituss Burgess, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - "Kimmy Goes to School" - Pinot Noir is a star!  Killer tool sash.

4. Ty Burrell, Modern Family - "Crying Out Loud" - He had some cool slapstick gags behind the movie screen.  I hope that wasn't a stunt double.

3. Adam Driver, Girls - "Close-Up" - While it wasn't comedic, he had a great blowup at Mimi-Rose about the abortion. 

2. Tony Hale, Veep - "East Wing" - After being a pushover for years, he got to scream and rant at the President.  Don't piss off people that know all of your secrets.

6. Keegan-Michael Key, Key and Peele - "Sex Detective" - Sketch alert, but I liked Obama's angry interpreter.

BEST DRAMA SERIES:

5. BETTER CALL SAUL - Too much weird brother and not enough Mike.

7. DOWNTON ABBEY - Now Anna's in jail for murder after her husband was in jail for murder, really?  Really?!?

*2. GAME OF THRONES - Just watch the last 3 episodes.

6. HOMELAND - One good episode and the rest were confused and pointless.

*4. HOUSE OF CARDS - Much better than that convoluted, political mumbo jumbo that dominated season 2.

*3. MAD MEN - A fine send-off.

*1. ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK - An amazing second season which hopefully will not be overshadowed by the crap of Season 3.

BEST DRAMA ACTRESS:  I'll be fine with Viola, but I'm pulling for a Tatiana upset.

6. Claire Danes, Homeland - "From A to B and Back Again" - Sleeping with a very young asset and she almost killed Saul.  I didn't think she could be more erractic, especially while on her meds.

*2. Viola Davis, How to Get Away With Murder- "Freakin' Whack-a-Mole" - Great courtroom scene and moment with her husband.

5. Taraji P. Henson, Empire - "Pilot" - This show is so soap-y, but she does chew that scenery well.

*1. Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black - "Certain Agony of the Battlefield" - She plays 6 people and not in different sketches - they interect and have different accents and mannerisms.  You forget that they are all her.    

*3. Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men - "Person to Person" - I would like Peggy to win but I think this was the wrong episode.  She should have chosen the one where she rollerskates around Roger and then shows up to work like a total badass with her creepy octopus sex painting.

*4. Robin Wright, House of Cards - "Chapter 32" - She went rogue in her speech in Russia and had a cool throwdown with Kevin.

BEST DRAMA ACTOR:  Let's win one for the Draper!

5. Kyle Chandler, Bloodline - "Episode 112" - Lots of guilt over almost letting Danny get killed and then ...  Good but not good enough. 

6. Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom - "What Kind of Day Has It Been?" - He already won.  Let's move on.

*1. Jon Hamm, Mad Men - "Person to Person" - Last call for Don Draper.  He did cry a lot in this one, but I think even after his Coke commercial success, he went back to the same old neglectful, slutty, egocentric Don.

*4. Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul - "Pimento" - Maybe in 2 years?

*3. Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan - "Walk This Way" - A very stoic badass who gets drunk and dances to Walk This Way (the RUN-DMC version of course) in tight jeans.  Pretty hot.

*2. Kevin Spacey, House of Cards - "Chapter 32" - How about next year?  He deserves one, let's just hold off until 2016.

BEST DRAMA SUPPORTING ACTRESS:  Oprah, Uma, Uzo

*1. Uzo Aduba, Orange is the New Black - "Hugs Can Be Deceiving" -   No one can touch her in this role.  She commands every second of your attention when she's onscreen.  No contest.  

4. Christine Baranski, The Good Wife - "Loser Edit" - Same old Diane - smart, liberal, outraged, wears nice clothes.

5. Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones - "The Dance of Dragons" - She didn't show up for 37 minutes, and then had almost no dialogue.  Yeah, she rode a dragon, but I'm almost positive that was CGI.

6. Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey - "Episode 5.08" - All she did was get arrested - horrible episode choice.  In the next one, she at least spoke a little.  

*2. Lena Headey, Game of Thrones - "Mother's Mercy" - Cersei's literal walk of shame.  

*3. Christina Hendricks, Mad Men - "Lost Horizon" - She's had 6 noms with no wins.  She'll land on her feet, just like Joan.

BEST DRAMA SUPPORTING ACTOR:  I'm really torn.  This is a toss-up.

*2. Jonathan Banks, Better Call Saul - "Five-0" - Finally, we get Mike's background story and it's so cool.  He's a great character and actually gets to show some emotion and cry.  But his whole season doesn't stand up next to Ben Mendelsohn.

5. Jim Carter, Downton Abbey - "Episode 5.09" - He's an old bear trying to cling to the past, and he finally realizes Mrs. Hughes is his future. 

4. Alan Cumming, The Good Wife - "Undisclosed Recipients" - Eli's best moments are when he's yelling and raising his eyebrow.

6. Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones - "Hardhome" - He has 2 scenes where he's calm and talking to Dany and that's not enough for this category.  

3. Michael Kelly, House of Cards - "Chapter 27" - He did a lot in this episode: physical therapy, lying to the police, breaking his arm in the shower, taping his arm back together to go to a meeting, realizing his career is over, falling off the wagon, 

1. Ben Mendelsohn, Bloodline - "Part 12" -  He's this slimy chameleon who is menacing and pitiful at once.  He switches from dangerous to pathetic to totally manipulative.  Let's hope we see him in Season 2 - maybe like he we saw Sarah?

My Emmy Nominations

The real Emmy nominations come out on Thursday morning, but these are mine for the not-so-small cross-section of television that I watch.  Several shows ended this year – Mad Men, Justified, Sons of Anarchy, Boardwalk Empire, Parks and Rec, Nurse Jackie, Glee, Cougar Town, The Killing, True Blood (which I downright loathed) and it really was time for them to go.  What will waste my time now?  Let’s adhere to the laws of alphabetics and start with Comedy:

Comedy Show

I’m really not digging a lot of comedy shows this year.  I laugh more at the last 2 minutes of The Goldbergs when they show the real family’s video footage than most entire episodes.  I don’t watch Silicon Valley and I loathe almost everything on CBS.  Plus, Big Bang, Louie, Girls, Modern Family all seem tired, but are guaranteed nominations.  It’s ridiculous that Bob’s Burgers is not eligible because it’s animated. 

• Community – I miss Troy, but it was a good season.  Steve Guttenberg Alert!
• Happyish – Miserable people making fun of hipster douchebags. 
• Jane the Virgin – Cute enough, kind of like Ugly Betty.
• The Last Man on Earth – They don’t have to hire extras.
• Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Thanks for being you, Tina Fey.
• Veep – Still solid.

Best Actress – Comedy

• Ellie Kemper, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Think Brendan Fraser in Blast from the Past.  I realize no one has ever written that as a compliment before, but I stand by it.
• Lisa Kudrow, The Comeback – Such a horrifying train wreck but hard to look away.
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep – Incompetent yet angry.
• Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation – It’s her last chance, people!
• Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin – I’ll hate it next year when they baby comes.
• Kristin Schaal, The Last Man on Earth – So annoying, but she is Louise Belcher.

Best Actor – Comedy

• Steve Coogan, Happyish – It was supposed to be Philip Seymour Hoffman.
• Billy Crystal, The Comedians – Why not?
• Will Forte, The Last Man on Earth - He’s got a Larry David vibe because nothing goes right and then he gets blamed.
• Matt LeBlanc, Episodes – He playing a douchier version of himself.  Brave, right?
• Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Kind of smarmy but likable.
• Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent – The show is not funny, but it’s here anyway.

This was one of the hardest categories to choose.  I know Louie and Parsons will be here but whatever.  I still hold out hope for Neil Flynn on The Middle - always underappreciated.

Best Supporting Actress – Comedy

• Alison Bree, Community – I doubt being on Yahoo raised viewership.
• Kathryn Hahn, Happyish – She’s a cool Mom that hates everyone.
• Carol Kane, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Dirty old lady alert.
• Aubrey Plaza, Parks and Recreation – Dirty young lady alert.
• Stephnie Weir, The Comedians – So awkward and uncomfortable.
• Merrit Wever, Nurse Jackie – So nice and sweet and impossible to be.

A special shout-out to Melora Hardin on Transparent for giving Big Boo on OITNB a run for her butch money.

Best Supporting Actor – Comedy

• Tituss Burgess, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Black, gay and old.
• Kevin Dunn, Veep – Best lines in the show.
• Josh Gad, The Comedians – Also playing a douchier version of himself (hopefully)
• Nick Offerman, Parks and Recreation – Ron Swanson doesn’t want your validation.
• Chris Pratt, Parks and Recreation – He never has to do TV again.
• Jim Rash, Community – Either he’s gotten more to do or everyone else is doing less.

I couldn’t find Jamie Camil who plays Rogelio on Jane the Virgin on the list.  Bummer!

Guest Actress – Comedy

• Tina Fey, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – I have a feeling it won’t get one real nom.
• Laurie Metcalf, The Big Bang Theory – It’s fun to rip on overbearing, religious people.
• Megan Mullally, Parks and Recreation – I’ll miss you most of all, Tammy 2.
• Rhea Perlman, The Mindy Project – Nick and Carla Tortelli reunited.
• Michaela Watkins, Transparent – I like her in everything or the 3 things I’ve seen.

Guest Actor – Comedy

• Jim Florentine, Louie – He was a jaggy comic Louie had to stay with in the condo.
• Jon Hamm, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – He better get at least one this year!
• Jason Mantzoukas, The League – How Rafi became Rafi.
• Tim Blake Nelson, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – You can’t not like him.
• Seth Rogen, The League – Dirty Randy returns.
• Bradley Whitford, Transparent – Always fun to watch – even in a dress.

Drama Show

• The Affair – Shot from 2 points of view and you never know the truth.
• Game of Thrones – The last 3 episodes made up for a boring beginning.
• House of Cards – Where will you go from here?
• Mad Men – It ended well.
• Orange is the New Black – It had a much better chance in the comedy category.
• The Walking Dead – It won’t be nominated but it’s the only show I watch live and then watch people talk about it. 

Best Actress – Drama

• Viola Davis, How to Get Away with Murder – Several murders is more accurate.
• Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Back – She’s 6 distinct characters – wake up, people!
• Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men – Badass Peggy Olson.
• Kerry Washington, Scandal – Viola may take off her makeup and wig, but Kerry lets her fro go.
• Ruth Wilson, The Affair – I can’t figure out her face.
• Robin Wright, House of Cards – The brown hair was off-putting.

I really liked Agent Carter, unfortunately, Hayley Atwell is too much of a longshot.

Best Actor – Drama

• Jon Hamm, Mad Men – It’s Don’s Draper’s last hurrah.  Make it happen!
• Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul – He’s always good – the show is a little slow.
• Timothy Olyphant, Justified – It wrapped up a little too cleanly.
• Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan – A stoic anti-hero, like Louie but tough and attractive.
• Kevin Spacey, House of Cards – Do not steal this from Jon Hamm – you’ve got another season to win yours.
• Dominic West, The Affair – Just because Jimmy McNulty never got one.

Supporting Actress – Drama

• Uzo Aduba, Orange is the New Black – Time for a Crazy Eyes spin-off.
• Lena Headey, Game of Thrones – I have a feeling she will get her revenge.
• Christina Hendricks, Mad Men – She don’t need a man, she’s got work to do!
• Kate Mulgrew, Orange is the New Black – I couldn’t decide between her or Vee.
• Lorraine Toussaint, Orange is the New Black – Slocked and loaded.
• Bellamy Young, Scandal – She certainly doesn’t suffer in silence.

I love Maura Tierney in The Affair, but that won’t help her here.

Supporting Actor – Drama

• Jonathan Banks, Better Call Saul – More Mike episodes, please!
• Jere Burns, Justified – He’s been in everything, but Wynn Duffy was awesome.
• Walton Goggins, Justified – How does a racist cracker speak so fluently?
• Vincent Kartheiser, Mad Men – They made him fat and bald, so give Sweaty-faced Pete a chance!
• Mandy Patinkin, Homeland – Gotta love the Tink.
• John Slattery, Mad Men – I can’t believe he survived the series.

Guest Actress – Drama

• Marcia Gay Harden, How to Get Away with Murder – I needed a 5^th actress.
• Julia Ormond, Mad Men – Mean and French, redundant much?
• Carrie Preston, The Good Wife – Elsbeth Tascioni should guest star on every show.
• Diana Rigg, Game of Thrones – Badass old lady Alert!
• Kiernan Shipka, Mad Men – Her character’s life won’t be easy.

Guest Actor – Drama

• Ed Asner, The Good Wife – Lou Grant turned into even more of a sexist jag.
• Walton Goggins, Sons of Anarchy – Give Venus Van Dam an Emmy!
• Oliver Platt, The Good Wife – He’s always fun to watch, even as a Republican.
• Pablo Schreiber, Orange is the New Black – The return of Porn-stache.
• Aaron Staton, Mad Men – He lost an eye for them, but he got his.

Best Picture Nominee Rankings

Here is how I rank the Best Picture Nominees and a review in 8 words or less:


1.  Whiplash - Vern Schillinger returns to kick music's ass.

2.  The Imitation Game - Cumberbatch is a badass, gay genius.

3.  Birdman - Hard to recommend; actors are smarmy douches.

4.  The Theory of Everything - I liked Mr. Mom, but Holy Shit!

5.  Boyhood - It seemed like it was going somewhere...

6.  American Sniper - Cooper was good; the ending was obscenely abrupt.

7.  Selma - Very upset to find out he cheated constantly.

8.  The Grand Budapest Hotel - Watch The Royal Tenenbaums instead.