5 Things about the Emmys...

5 things I loved about the Emmys:

• Jimmy Kimmel ripping on Matthew McConaughey
• Weird Al's TV theme lyrics, especially his plea to George R.R. Martin
• That Matthew McConaughey, Julia Roberts and Mark Ruffalo all lost even though they were picked to win.
• That Martin Freeman got an Emmy, even though it wasn't for Fargo.
• Breaking Bad finished strong.

5 things I hated about the Emmys:

• Martin Freeman not winning an Emmy for Fargo.
• Presenting the Guest Actor awards at the technical ceremony.  I wanted to see Uzo Aduba win!
• The commercials for NBC's terrible new shows - Bad Judge and whatever that crap with Debra Messing is - UGH!
• Allison Janney winning for that hacky role on a horrible show.  Anyone else was the better choice.  Writing in Courtney Thorne-Smith for According to Jim was a better choice.
• This dress:  

5 really disturbing things about the Emmys:

• Matthew McConaughey's face.  Stay out of the sun, dude!  Maybe he'll win an Emmy for playing Robert Redford in a Lifetime movie.
• Sara Bareilles' nose ring - it was like she had a lightning bug on her face.
• Gwen Stefani auditioning to be on SNL as a Donatella Versace impersonator - plus, her inability to read or be remotely charismatic.
• That Debra Messing's eye color changes throughout that commercial and that she is wearing a bright green T-neck.  Does that ever happen?  I won't watch it just for that shirt.
• Stephen Colbert talking to his invisible friend and Key and Peele's 'impromptu' skit.

My Emmy picks

I probably should have started this when they were announced, but on Thursday, I was struck with the amazing idea to watch all the Emmy nominated episodes for acting.  Once they get nominated, the actor (or agent or network) gets to choose the one episode that will be sent out for the voters to watch.  Some of them chose poorly.  I watched them all (in the last 84 hours) – even shows I have never seen – and have ranked them in order of Emmy deservingness.  I tried not to be biased to the shows I like, which is nearly impossible.  Thankfully, some episodes were nominated by co-workers, so it boiled down to about 34 hours of TV in 3.5 days.  I don’t have a lot to do and I don’t like going outside when it’s hot anyway.  Meanwhile, spoilers abound because I can’t not mention stuff.  You have been warned. 

BEST COMEDY ACTRESS:

1. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Veep” – episode “Crate” – She’s really funny in this role.  I love swearing and thinking everyone’s an idiot.

2.  Taylor Schilling, "Orange is the New Black" - episode "The Chickening" – She was getting starved out and looked awful.  Plus, she had a bunch of outburst scenes. 

3.  Melissa McCarthy, "Mike and Molly" - episode "Mind Over Molly" – I quit this show because it’s hacky and she’s too mean, but she had some good moments in the shrink’s office
4.  Lena Dunham, "Girls" - episode "Beach House" – That green bikini and having no shame are such foreign concepts to me.  Plus, she said, “I’ve been called a narcissist since I was 3.”

5. Amy Poehler, "Parks and Recreation" - episode "Recall Vote" – She got depressed and drunk.
6. Edie Falco, "Nurse Jackie" - episode "Super Greens" – Horrible episode choice.  She should have picked the one where she tricked her sponsor into rehab.  She hardly did anything.

BEST COMEDY ACTOR:   This was a tricky category and my least favorite choices – I don’t watch three of the shows, and 2 are basically playing themselves.

1.  Matt LeBlanc, "Episodes" - episode "Episode 306" – He’s uber-Joey: super dumb, slutty, and unsuccessful but with excessive swearing.

2.  Jim Parsons, "The Big Bang Theory" - episode "The Relationship Diremption" – He’s just really good in this role, there’s no way around it.

3. Don Cheadle, "House of Lies" - episode "Wreckage" – Maybe I’ll watch this now.  It does have Jean-Ralphio.
4.  Louis C.K., "Louie" - episode "Model" – Sad sack Louie gets lucky and actually smiled at the end.  He also bombed, got embarrassed by Seinfeld and fell down.
5.  Ricky Gervais, "Derek" - episode "Episode 2.6" –It’s very weird and hard to understand.  I laughed when he looked at the camera.
6.  William H. Macy, "Shameless" - episode "Lazarus"- He was barely in it and didn’t have much to do when he was.

BEST COMEDY SUPPORTING ACTRESS:  Not great choices.  I can't wait for Uzo Aduba next year!

1.  Kate Mulgrew, "Orange is the New Black" - episode "Tit Punch" – She makes people outcasts even though she was one.  I think she just hates blondes.

2.  Mayim Bialik, "The Big Bang Theory" - episode "The Indecision Amalgamation" – She’s a good foil to Sheldon and feigned interest in video games.
3.  Julie Bowen, "Modern Family" - episode "The Feud" – She yelled and was shrill, but also got lice.
4.  Anna Chlumsky, "Veep" - episode "Detroit" – I was going to put her at #2, but I couldn’t remember anything she did in the episode.  I remember Chris Meloni. 
5.  Allison Janney, "Mom" - episode "Estrogen and a Hearty Breakfast" – Horrible laugh track and obvious, just-for-shock jokes.  CJ Cregg would be embarrassed.
6.  Kate McKinnon, "Saturday Night Live" - episode "Host: Anna Kendrick" – I laughed at the German chancellor but this show is too hard to watch and should not be included in this category.

BEST COMEDY SUPPORTING ACTOR:  None of these episodes wowed me and I’m really apathetic to all the choices.

1.  Tony Hale, "Veep" - episode "Crate" – Great scene with Julia in the bathroom.  I liked how he sat on the couch with her bag listening to her so attentively. 

2.  Ty Burrell, "Modern Family" - episode "Spring-a-Ding Fling" – He had nice a cross-dressing moment in his parody song.  Classic Dunphy.

3.  Andre Braugher, "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" - episode "Christmas" – Monotone and gay, but not amazing.
4.  Adam Driver, "Girls" - episode "Two Plane Rides" – There have been better episodes with him.  He only had 2 scenes.  I liked the one where his sister visited – I would have picked him to win.

5.  Fred Armisen, "Portlandia" - episode "Pull-Out King" – This show is weird and so is Fred Armisen.  I did laugh a couple of times, so maybe I’ll keep watching.
6.  Jesse Tyler Ferguson, "Modern Family" - episode "Message Received" – His Dad can’t understand his wedding and he’s mean to Cam.  Seen it.

BEST DRAMA ACTRESS:  I thought I had this one figured out immediately until I watched them again.  So much crying in these.   I'm fine with any of the top 3 winning.

1.  Julianna Margulies, "The Good Wife" - episode "The Last Call" – I really didn’t want to watch the Will is dead episode again – thanks a  lot!  She did all the stages of grief thing and had a last voicemail from him.  Then she finds out he was mad at her when he called. 
2.  Kerry Washington, "Scandal" - episode "The Fluffer" – She’s a badass in this show with the world’s most fucked up parents.  She could win.
3.  Robin Wright, "House of Cards" - episode "Chapter 26" – She should have submitted the interview episode.  She was incredible in it and the whole show went downhill after it.  She definitely would have won – Bad Decision Jeans.

4.  Claire Danes, "Homeland" - episode "The Star" – I’m just over this show.  I hated this season – I won’t even say what happened so other people can watch and be disappointed with me.

5.  Lizzy Caplan, "Masters of Sex" - episode "Pilot" – She didn’t do a lot in the first one, admits sex and love aren’t exclusive in the 50’s and jumps right into watching people bang.

6.  Michelle Dockery, "Downton Abbey" - episode "Episode 4.1" – Matthew’s dead, she’s sad and calls her kid an orphan.  She manages to be hostile and unsympathetic even as a widow.

BEST DRAMA ACTOR:  Heisenberg or Wooderson?  What will happen?

1.  Bryan Cranston, "Breaking Bad" - episode "Ozymandias" – This one goes back to the first cook to show that his evolution into evil genius is complete.  He watched Hank die, turned Jesse over to the Nazis after telling him about Jane.  He got into a knife fight, stole the baby and did his best to un-implicate Skyler in his crimes.  He was busy.

2.  Matthew McConaughey, "True Detective" - episode "Form and Void" – I think this was a bad choice.  He spent a lot of time holding a gun in a maze.  He had one speech at the end, but I liked him his stuff in the interrogation room in earlier episodes.

3. Woody Harrelson, "True Detective" - episode "The Locked Room" – Poor Woody got overshadowed in this show because of MM, but he was good lying to his wife and going ballistic on his mistress’ date.
4.  Jon Hamm, "Mad Men" - episode "The Strategy" – I think he’ll win next year.  This episode made me angry that Elisabeth Moss and Vincent Kartheiser didn’t get nominated.
5.  Kevin Spacey, "House of Cards" - episode "Chapter 26" – Again, not the right episode.  Things happen but not enough to showcase how good he is in this role.

6.  Jeff Daniels, "The Newsroom" - episode "Election Night, Part 2" – He made one speech about being a Republican and asked Mac to marry him.  Not enough to repeat.

BEST DRAMA SUPPORTING ACTRESS:

1.  Anna Gunn, "Breaking Bad" - episode "Ozymandias" – Tears and emotions aplenty in this one. 
2.  Lena Headey, "Game of Thrones" - episode "The Lion and the Rose" – She’s so smug and mean to Brienne.  She was better drunk in the battle of the Blackwater though.

3.  Maggie Smith, "Downton Abbey" - episode "Episode 4.8" – Again, just a complete badass in this role.

4.  Christine Baranski, "The Good Wife" - episode "The Last Call" – She’s always good (but never won on this show) and cried a lot over Will.  
5.  Joanne Froggatt, "Downton Abbey" - episode "Episode 4.2" – Yeah, she got raped but it was in the last 5 minutes and she did her quivering lip crying thing.  I think one of the follow up episodes would have been a better choice.
6.  Christina Hendricks, "Mad Men" - episode "The Strategy" – All she did was rebuff Bob and say that Harry sucks.  We all know that. 

BEST DRAMA SUPPORTING ACTOR:  Extremely hard to choose between the Top 4.

1. Aaron Paul, "Breaking Bad" - episode "Confessions" – He got interrogated, bamboozled by Walt (again), kicked Saul’s ass, figured it all out and he cried A LOT!!
2.  Josh Charles, "The Good Wife" - episode "Hitting the Fan" – He was good and I like him so much better than Chris Noth.  He was betrayed, got outraged, threw some stuff and did dirty lawyer tricks.
3.  Peter Dinklage, "Game of Thrones" - episode "The Laws of Gods and Men" – He got screwed over big time by almost everyone he knows.  You can never truly be friends with spiders or whores.
4.  Mandy Patinkin, "Homeland" - episode "Gerontion" – Got to love the Tink.  He's always so outraged at everyone's immorality and his beard is almost its own character.
5. Jon Voight, "Ray Donovan" - episode "Fite Nite" – I might start watching this show, but September will be here soon.  He was way too mean to Rosanna Arquette and his accent was sketchy.

6.  Jim Carter, "Downton Abbey" - episode "Episode 4.1" – He had some nice moments with bitchy Mary, but it’s not flashy enough for this category.

My Dream Emmy Nominations 2014

I don’t like how you can just choose to be in any category.  Fargo had 10 episodes but it’s a Miniseries and True Detective has 8 episodes and it’s a Drama show.  So, everything is messed up and I had to weed through a lot of pictures to find where everyone can be actually nominated.  And, it’s the last season of Breaking Bad and first of Orange is the New Black.  Plus, I haven’t watched Boardwalk Empire yet.

       

 Comedy Show

• The Big Bang Theory
• Community
• The Mindy Project
• Nurse Jackie
• Orange is the New Black
• Veep

These are the shows I thought had the best seasons, not the ones that will be chosen.  I thought Girls, Parks and Rec, Modern Family, New Girl and Louie all tapered off this year.  Even though they were canceled, I had a weird, embarrassing soft spot for Trophy Wife and The Neighbors – more proof of that to follow.

Comedy - Actress

• Lena Dunham, Girls – Nudity is one thing but wearing a bikini while riding a bike is something else.
• Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie – She’s back to being bad and interesting.  Fuck rehab!
• Mindy Kaling, The Mindy Project – She has the best throw-away lines – I hope she writes them.
• Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, Veep – I have an affinity for people who are quick to anger and swear a lot.
• Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation – She’s still good though the show is down. 
• Taylor Schilling, OITNB – She’s one of the least likable characters - It must be the acting, right?

Honorary Mention:  Wendi McClendon-Covey, The Goldbergs – Just for the sweaters.

Comedy - Actor

• Jake Johnson, New Girl – I like his fuck-up of a character and his voice when he screams.
• Matt LeBlanc, Episodes – Watching him be the anti-Joey is fun.  And he swears a lot!
• Joel McHale, Community – He’s never gotten any Emmy love.
• Chris Messina, The Mindy Project – Alright, your pop culture over-saturation has won me over!
• Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory – He doesn’t need to win again, but he’s good.
• Adam Scott, Parks and Rec – I know Andy Samberg will take his spot.

HM:  Bradley Whitford, Trophy Wife – I love him and his wild and crazy hair.

Comedy – Supporting Actress

• Danielle Brooks, OITNB – It makes no sense that she’s in this category.
• Anna Chlumsky, Veep – She’s My Girl, yo.
• Kate Mulgrew, OITNB – She’s a marshmallow on toothpicks, but a complete badass.
• Aubrey Plaza, Parks and Rec – She and Andy are the new Pam and Jim but meaner and dumber.
• Merrit Wever, Nurse Jackie – Fuck yeah, she won last year.  Her abrupt speech means she might be  like Zoey in real life and that’s not a bad thing.
• Anna Deveare Smith, Nurse Jackie – She’s cool and tough and mean.

HM:  Samara Wiley, OITNB – even though she shouldn’t be in this category either.  She’s a lesbian named Poussey – accent a droite, bitch!

Comedy – Supporting Actor

• Ty Burrell, Modern Family – He’s the best thing about that show.
• Kevin Dunn, Veep – He gets  the best lines that make fun of everyone else.
• Tony Hale, Veep – I’m glad Buster found his vocation.
• Ed O’Neill, Modern Family – Everyone else on the show has won except him and Sofia.
• Chris Pratt, Parks and Rec – I do prefer chunky Andy to buff, superhero Andy; it’s more believable.
• Simon Templeman, The Neighbors – I know the show is dumb, but he was odd and funny.

HM:  Andre Braugher is far more probable, but I really liked Albert Tsai on Trophy Wife.  Yeah, I know, I have a problem.  Move on…

Drama – Show

• Breaking Bad
• Game of Thrones
• The Good Wife
• Justified
• Mad Men
• True Detective – Though I’m not apeshit for it like everyone else. 

Shows that have a shortened or summer schedule tend to get lost.  I don’t really remember what specifically happened on Downton Abbey, The Newsroom, The Bridge, The Killing or Sons of Anarchy.  I remember the big stuff.  Some were just bad:  Homeland, House of Cards.

Drama – Actress

• Lizzy Caplan, Masters of Sex – I doubt she has a chance but she’s Janis from Mean Girls
• Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife – This is one of the girlier shows I watch.
• Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black – The only non-believable part was the transgendered one.
• Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men – How will it end for poor Peggy?
• Kerry Washington, Scandal – This is the girliest one.
• Robin Wright, House of Cards – She is icy and looks amazing.  Why is she engaged to creepy Russell from Six Feet Under?

HM:  Diane Kruger on The Bridge – She was stoic and awkward, maybe she’s a stand-up.

Drama – Actor

• Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad – Last call for Walter White.
• Jon Hamm, Mad Men – He’s never won and there’s only one more chance.
• Woody Harrelson, True Detective – He's had a good year.
• Matthew McConaughey, True Detective – His transformation was cool.
• Timothy Olyphant, Justified – He’s just cool – there’s no other word for it.
• Kevin Spacey, House of Cards – Though the show really declined, he’s good.

HM:  I know they have no chance:  Andrew Lincoln, Charlie Hunnam, Jonny Lee Miller and Clark Gregg (Go you, Huskies).

Drama – Supporting Actress

• Christine Baranski, The Good Wife – She’s always good.
• Laura Carmichael, Downton Abbey – Screw Mary and her suitors; come on, sad sack Edith!
• Lena Headey, Game of Thrones – She never gets Emmy love, but her incest-born son did die.
• Michelle Monaghan, True Detective – I really like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, so this is for that.
• Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey – She’s a sassy, old broad.
• Bellamy Young, Scandal – She’s got several rights to be bitchy.

HM:  I thought Joan sucked on Mad Men and Anna Gunn won last year.  I do like Emily Mortimer and Joelle Carter.

Drama – Supporting Actor

• Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones – He did some stuff this season.
• Walton Goggins, Justified – Though they never explain why a racist hillbilly is so eloquent. 
• Mandy Patinkin, Homeland – Gotta love the Tink.
• Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad – One last chance for Jesse Pinkman.
• Jeff Perry, Scandal – He’s a very, very bad man (and not because he’s gay).
• Peter Saarsgard, The Killing – He can be creepy on TV as well as film.

HM:  Way too many – Jere Burns, Josh Charles (RIP), Elias Koteas, Gerald McRaney, Vincent Kartheiser.

The guest actor categories make me angry.  To me, a guest actor should be 1 or 2 really memorable episodes.  Many candidates are in most of the season and are just not in the supporting category, but they only submit for 1 episode.  So, I looked at all the pics and tried to base it on if it was ‘a very special episode of Blossom’ or not.  Except for Uzo Aduba – she’s just incredible.

Comedy – Guest Actress

• Uzo Aduba, OITNB – I‘d throw my pie for her.
• Sarah Baker, Louie – And then everyone made fun of her weight on the internet – way to go, America!
• Laverne Cox, OITNB  – Get ready for the first trans-gendered Emmy nominee (hopefully).
• Gaby Hoffmann, Girls – How is that crazy bitch the girl from Uncle Buck?
• Taryn Manning, OITNB – Those teeth…
• Julie White, Nurse Jackie – She ran into the buzzsaw that is Jackie.

Comedy – Guest Actor

• Walton Goggins, Community – One of the best episodes of Community EVER.
• Rob Lowe, Californication – A very weird, over the top character.
• Christopher Meloni, Veep – I couldn’t watch his new show, but he was good here.
• Mike O’Malley, Glee – His character has always been amazing, but I won’t be watching this episode again.
• Pablo Schreiber, OITNB – Porn-stache!
• Ben Schwartz, Parks & Rec – Jean-Ralphio in the house!

Drama – Guest Actress

• Allison Janney, Masters of Sex – So much different than CJ Cregg.
• Shirley MacLaine, Downton Abbey – The perfect match for Maggie Smith.
• Carrie Preston, The Good Wife – Any show would be better with Elsbeth Tascioni.
• Diana Rigg, Game of Thrones – Just for getting rid of Joffrey.
• Dana Wheeler-Nicholson, Nashville – You can’t escape white trash family.
• Alicia Witt, Justified – Bad family, worse decisions…

Drama – Guest Actor

• Dylan Baker, The Good Wife – He’s always memorable and super-creepy.
• Michael Bowen, Breaking Bad – Did Uncle Jack drive the Pussy Wagon?
• Walton Goggins, Sons of Anarchy – Last season's episode was more shocking but he wasn't in the running.
• Harry Hamlin, Mad Men – I really like him in this role.
• Hamish Linklater, The Newsroom – He was so jerky and smarmy – way different than Christine’s brother.
• Michael Rapaport, Justified – A nice boost to the cast.

I don't watch a lot of these, but I have to do some picks because of Fargo which was the best thing on television this year.

Miniseries/Movie

• American Horror Story: Coven - This was the first season I watched.
• Fargo – In-fucking-credible!
• The Normal Heart - Sad and infuriating.
• Psych The Musical - Only episode I've ever seen, woke up early one morning.

Miniseries/Movie – Actress

• Jessica Lange, American Horror Story – I can't believe how they make her look - she's so brave!

Miniseries/Movie – Actor

• Martin Freeman, Fargo – He is amazing and should win everything forever!
• Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart - He was okay compared to these two.
• Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo –  Very good, but he's no Lester.

Miniseries/Movie – Supporting Actress

• Kathy Bates, AHS - She's always good, even as a super-racist.
• Frances Conroy, AHS - She plays a weirdo well.
• Audra McDonald, The Sound of Music Live - She's got some pipes.
• Julia Roberts, The Normal Heart - She better not beat Deputy Molly Solverson.
• Alison Tolman, Fargo – And she was right all along!!

Miniseries/Movie – Supporting Actor

• Christian Borle, The Sound of Music Live - Sure, why not?
• Keith Carradine, Fargo - Badass Step-Grandpa!
• Martin Freeman, Sherlock - I haven't seen it yet, but he should win everything.
• Danny Huston, AHS - Good enough

2013 Best Picture Possibilities

Oscar time is upon us and this is one of my favorite things to do.  There are 289 candidates this year, up from 265 last year.  Let's hope that means they are of better quality but probably not.  I've seen 54 so far. 

My color coding means:

Possible Top 10 Candidate  (I haven't seen everything yet, so my list is not (ever) finalized)

Seen it

Must see ASAP

Will see eventually

Should see, but don't want to

Will never watch and I'm offended that they could be even remotely considered for Best Picture

         Some have no coloring which means they are not on my radar for at all.  I have nothing against low-budget films or kids movies or even bad movies.  I do have a problem with expensive Hollywood crap and unnecessary, agenda-forcing malarkey and anything with Tyler Perry, but don't we all?

ABOUT TIME - Another movie from the director of Love Actually that I will never watch.

ADMISSION - I like 30 Rock so much better than her movies.

ADORE

AFTER EARTH

AFTERNOON DELIGHT

AIN'T THEM BODIES SAINTS - methodical, ethereal, and any other word that means boring.

ALL IS LOST

ALONE YET NOT ALONE

AMERICAN HUSTLE - I thought J-Law was better here than in Silver Linings Playbook.

ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES - I would be excited for Elf 2, but not for this.

THE ARMSTRONG LIE - It used to be titled The Road Back.

ARTHUR NEWMAN

AT ANY PRICE

AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY

AUGUSTINE

AUSTENLAND

BAGGAGE CLAIM

BALLAD OF RUSTOM

BATTLE OF THE YEAR - Chris Brown is in it.  Do what you will.

BEAUTIFUL CREATURES - I didn't read the book.

BEFORE MIDNIGHT - It was so harsh at times

THE BEST MAN HOLIDAY

BETWEEN US

THE BIG WEDDING

BLACK NATIVITY

THE BLING RING - Attractive, self-important rich people - who's stealing from whom exactly?

BLUE CAPRICE

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR

BLUE JASMINE - In the midst of all the backlash, this movie is not kind to women at all.

THE BOOK THIEF

BRAVE MISS WORLD

THE BROKEN CIRCLE BREAKDOWN

BROKEN CITY

BULLET TO THE HEAD

THE BUTTERFLY'S DREAM

THE CALL

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS - It was kind of long and you knew how it ended.  

CARRIE - the 3rd remake plus there's a weird sequel.  No one remembers the 1952 movie with Lawrence Olivier - thanks for nothing, Stephen King.

CHARLIE COUNTRYMAN

CLEAVER'S DESTINY

CLOSED CIRCUIT

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2

THE COMPANY YOU KEEP

THE CONDEMNED

THE CONJURING - I wish Patrick Wilson would be in more movies I'm not afraid to watch.

COPPERHEAD

THE COUNSELOR

THE CROODS

DALLAS BUYERS CLUB - He got really skinny, but it wasn't mind-blowing.

DANCING ON A DRY SALT LAKE

DEAD MAN DOWN

DELIVERY MAN

DESPICABLE ME 2 - Someone was named Ramsbottom and no gay jokes were made.

DIANA

DISCONNECT - Not really.

DON JON - ScarJo chewed gum in every scene, but I didn't fast-forward - YAY me!

DOWN THE SHORE - James Gandolfini guilt.

DRINKING BUDDIES - I like Jake Johnson and Chicago movies, but not this one so much.

THE EAST

ELYSIUM - It took me forever to recognize Sharlto Copley, but that was the only thing keeping me interested.

EMPEROR

ENDER'S GAME - I didn't read this book either, but it does have Harrison Ford.

ENOUGH SAID - I hate having to watch things that will make me sad.

EPIC

ERNEST & CELESTINE

ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH

ESCAPE FROM TOMORROW

ESCAPE PLAN

EVERYBODY HAS A PLAN - Viggo Mortensen speaks Spanish.

EVIL DEAD - Can it be better than the movie I've never seen?

THE FALL OF 1980

THE FAMILY

FAST & FURIOUS 6 - I've never seen one and will continue that streak.

THE FIFTH ESTATE

FILL THE VOID

FILLY BROWN

FOR NO GOOD REASON

47 RONIN

42 - Good enough.

FRANCES HA

FREE BIRDS

FREE CHINA: THE COURAGE TO BELIEVE

FROZEN

FRUITVALE STATION - Good but kind of manipulative.

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION - Nope

GAHAN WILSON: BORN DEAD, STILL WEIRD

GANGSTER SQUAD

GETAWAY

GIMME SHELTER - It's already the title of a movie featuring a band that has far more longevity than Vanessa Hudgens (even after that guy died at Altamont).

GIMME THE LOOT

GIRL MOST LIKELY - Not-so-high hopes dashed by excessive weirdness.

GIRLS AGAINST BOYS

GLORIA - The third movie with this title, though new plot.

GO FOR SISTERS

A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD - meh.

GRACE UNPLUGGED - It's about a Christian teen-aged singer - do what you will.

THE GRANDMASTER

GRAVITY- So much heavy breathing; it would have been worse if she were chewing gum.

THE GREAT BEAUTY

THE GREAT GATSBY - I really do like Baz Luhrmann's vision and style.

GROWN UPS 2

GRUDGE MATCH - For the record, Deniro is 70 and Stallone is surprisingly 67.

THE HANGOVER PART III-Almost as terrible as the 2nd one, which is one of the worst movies ever.

HANNAH ARENDT

HANSEL & GRETEL WITCH HUNTERS

A HAUNTED HOUSE

HAUTE CUISINE

THE HEAT - Sandra Bullock was trying way too hard.

HER - I wanted it to be better.  It's no Lars and the Real Girl.

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG

HOLLYWOOD SEAGULL

HOMEFRONT

THE HOST

HOURS

HOW I LIVE NOW 

HOW SWEET IT IS - Joe Piscopo's triumphant return?

THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE - amazing adaptation of the best book in the trilogy.

THE HUNT

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE 2

I USED TO BE DARKER.

THE ICEMAN

IDENTITY THIEF - You saw the commercials; the only surprise is how unnecessarily long it is.

IF I WERE YOU

IL FUTURO

I'M SO EXCITED!

THE IMPALER

IN A WORLD...

IN THE FOG

THE INCREDIBLE BURT WONDERSTONE

THE INEVITABLE DEFEAT OF MISTER & PETE

INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS - That cat better make it.

INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER 2 - Come on, Patrick - at least guest star on Girls again.

INSTRUCTIONS NOT INCLUDED

THE INTERNSHIP

THE INVISIBLE WOMAN

IRON MAN 3 - So women force men to change and not be cool anymore??  Sobriety ruins interesting people.

JACK THE GIANT SLAYER

JACKASS PRESENTS: BAD GRANDPA

JAYNE MANSFIELD'S CAR - Did Mariska Hargitay give the OK on this?

JEWTOPIA

JOBS.

KAMASUTRA 3D

KEVIN HART: LET ME EXPLAIN

KHUMBA

KICK-ASS 2

KILL YOUR DARLINGS

THE KINGS OF SUMMER

L.A. SUPERHEROES

LABOR DAY

THE LAST EXORCISM PART II

THE LAST STAND - Really, Forest Whitaker, really??

LAST VEGAS

LEE DANIELS' THE BUTLER - I was more interested in the casting of the Presidents - they got more bizarre as the movie went on.

THE LEGEND OF SARILA

A LETTER TO MOMO

LIVE AT THE FOXES DEN

THE LONE RANGER - I'm shocked at whatever money it did make at the box office.

LONE SURVIVOR

THE LORDS OF SALEM - Maria Conchita Alonso, you can do better than Rob Zombie nonsense.

LORE

LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED

LOVELACE - Peter Sarsgaard being creepy again.

THE M WORD

MACHETE KILLS

MAMA

MAN OF STEEL - I didn't like this at all and thought Michael Shannon was way out of place.

MANDELA: LONG WALK TO FREEDOM

MENTAL

METALLICA THROUGH THE NEVER

THE MISSING PICTURE

MONSTERS UNIVERSITY - You know...

MORNING

THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES - I really don't read enough.

MOVIE 43

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING - I wanted to love this; Nathan Fillion & Tom Lenk are great.

MUD - I didn't recognize Reese Witherspoon at first, but nothing else was memorable.

MUMIA: LONG DISTANCE REVOLUTIONARY

MURPH: THE PROTECTOR

THE MUSLIMS ARE COMING!

NEBRASKA - Is this what happens to Saul Goodman after Breaking Bad?

99% - THE OCCUPY WALL STREET COLLABORATIVE FILM 

NO ONE LIVES 

NOTHING LEFT TO FEAR 

NOW YOU SEE ME  - I always aspired to be a con artist.

O APÓSTOLO 

OBLIVION - Tom Cruise talks about sports like he actually has seen them.

OFFICER DOWN 

OLDBOY 

OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN 

ONE CHANCE

ONE DIRECTION: THIS IS US - I want to shave all of their heads.

ONLY GOD FORGIVES 

OUT OF THE FURNACE

OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL - Yeah, like blondes aren't evil.

PACIFIC RIM - Charlie Hunnam doesn't use his British accent, but Idris Elba does - total wash.

THE PACKAGE - Dolph Lundgren alert!

PAIN & GAIN

PARADISE: LOVE 

PARANOIA - Liam Hemsworth - forever unclean!!!  (because he boned Miley Cyrus)

PARKLAND

THE PAST 

THE PATIENCE STONE 

PAWN 

PAWN SHOP CHRONICLES - Norman Reedus and Lukas Haas together at last!

PEEPLES 

PERCY JACKSON: SEA OF MONSTERS - didn't read the books or see the first one.

PHILOMENA - I thought Steve Coogan's presence would make it funnier - not so much.  But it's another reason to hate the Catholic church!

THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES 

PLANES -I appreciate not having to look at Dane Cook, but I don't want to listen to him either.

POPULAIRE

PRINCE AVALANCHE 

PRISONERS - pretty long

PUELLA MAGI MADOKA MAGICA THE MOVIE -REBELLION- 

THE PURGE 

R.I.P.D. - pretty bad.

REACHING FOR THE MOON 

RED 2 - pretty standard.

REDEMPTION 

RENOIR 

RIDDICK 

RIO 2096 - A STORY OF LOVE AND FURY

ROMEO & JULIET 

RUNNER RUNNER 

RUSH 

SAFE HAVEN - Nicholas Sparks E-Harmony spiritual bullshit.

SALINGER 

THE SAPPHIRES 

SAVING MR. BANKS 

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY - Maybe if the commercial aired less, it would have piqued my interest more.

SHADOW DANCER 

SHORT TERM 12 - Disturbing but interesting to watch.

SIDE EFFECTS - forgettable.

A SINGLE SHOT 

THE SMURFS 2 

SNITCH 

SOMM 

SOUND CITY

SPARK: A BURNING MAN STORY

SPECIFIC INTENT 2 

THE SPECTACULAR NOW 

SPRING BREAKERS

THE SQUARE

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS - I liked it, but kind of fell asleep in the theater.

STATE 194

STILL MINE 

STOKER - Just OK; it went in a direction I didn't like.

TEXAS CHAINSAW 

THANKS FOR SHARING

THIS IS MARTIN BONNER 

THIS IS THE END - ruined by the Backstreet Boys, just like the 90s.

THOR: THE DARK WORLD  - Loki's cool, Thor's hot - business as usual.

3 GEEZERS! 

TIM'S VERMEER

THE TO DO LIST - dirty fun.

TO THE WONDER 

TOURING TALKIES 

TRANCE 

THE TRUTH ABOUT EMANUEL 

TURBO 

12.12.12 - I think this is the horror film and not the concert film.

12 YEARS A SLAVE - The title is a spoiler alert, but it does make me think of Hard to Watch: Based on the Novel "Stone Cold Bummer" by Manipulate

21 & OVER 

TWICE BORN 

2 GUNS 

TWO: THE STORY OF ROMAN & NYRO

TYLER PERRY'S A MADEA CHRISTMAS - Larry the Cable Guy is in it.

TYLER PERRY'S TEMPTATION CONFESSIONS OF A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR - This one has Kim Kardashian.

THE ULTIMATE LIFE 

UNFINISHED SONG 

UPSIDE DOWN 

WADJDA 

WALKING WITH DINOSAURS 

THE WALL 

WARM BODIES - too lovey-dovey and a little long.

THE WAY, WAY BACK - Unfortunately for me, I aspire to be Sam Rockwell's character. 

WE STEAL SECRETS: THE STORY OF WIKILEAKS

WE'RE THE MILLERS - not bad and I love the line "I'm awake and I speak English."

WHAT MAISIE KNEW 

WHITE HOUSE DOWN 

WHY WE RIDE

THE WIND RISES

WINNIE MANDELA 

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET - I liked it, but it made me sad that I have zero sales skills.

THE WOLVERINE - same old same old.  Looking forward to when all the X-Men are together.

WORLD WAR Z - Cool zombie movie but Brad Pitt can't pull off playing a guy named Gerry.

THE WORLD'S END - Disappointing ending to the Wright/Pegg/Frost trilogy.

YOSSI

YOU'RE NEXT 

ZAYTOUN