2012 Emmy Nominations - the Good, the Bad and the Stupid

Here are the actual Emmy nominations, and I highlighted the ones I chose in blue, my secondary choices in purple, yellow for something cool and red for something ridiculous.  Holy shit, HBO did a lot of campaigning.  They dominated almost every category and not always deservedly.  They should have coughed up some money for Lena Headey!

Worst Non-Nomination:  Parks and Recreation - WTF is wrong with you people?  I understand Community is too weird and clique-y but P&R is consistently hilarious unlike Veep, Girls and The Big Bang Theory.  HBO has too much money and Emmy voters are easily swayed.  Boo-urns!

Worst Nomination:  Jon Cryer - The show is dead and should be canceled.  Move on, old people.

OUTSTANDING COMEDY
The Big Bang Theory - Better than the rest of the CBS laughtrack shows.
Curb Your Enthusiasm - It was a good season in NYC, but I kind of forgot about it.
Girls - I liked it, but did I laugh out loud?  Not enough.
Modern Family - Consistently good
30 Rock - Still better than most everything else.
Veep - It was alright, but HBO has the money to change minds.

OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY - Very close - they did have 7 nominees.
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl -  Subtle in a crazy way 
Lena Dunham, Girls - Crazy in a subtle way
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie - Becoming sober ruins a show; i.e. House and Rescue Me.
Tina Fey, 30 Rock - A comedic gem.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep - Everyone wants to hear Elaine swear, but is that enough?
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly - She's kind of mean - I liked her more as Sookie St. James.
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation - Too much young blood, she won't get what she deserves.

OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock - I was right, he is God.
Don Cheadle, House of Lies - Choose an actor on a show people watch - not just a famous one you want to suck up to.
Louis C.K., Louie - More subtle craziness.
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men - This is an abomination.  I apologize to Adam Scott, Garret Dillahunt and Joel McHale for other people's stupidity and reliance on familiarity.
Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm - I understand.
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory - Next year, can we get a nom for Howard?

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Ed O’Neill, Modern Family - His first Emmy nomination - really, Academy, really?!?
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family - I knew he would be nominated, I'm just sick of him.
Ty Burrell, Modern Family - always stellar.
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family - see JTF note above.
Max Greenfield, New Girl - Don't spin-off just yet.
Bill Hader, Saturday Night Live - He just can't compare and should be in a Variety category.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory - Eh, she's alright.
Kathryn Joosten, Desperate Housewives - I would never begrudge Mrs. Landingham - RIP.
Julie Bowen, Modern Family - She's annoying, but her character is good.
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family - Her character is annoying but she's good - see the difference?
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie - Finally - dumb Emmy voters have seen the Zoey Barkow light!
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live - This is just Bridesmaids fallout.

OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Michael J. Fox, Curb Your Enthusiasm - He's a crowd favorite.
Greg Kinnear, Modern Family - Whatever.
Bobby Cannavale, Nurse Jackie - I wanted him for Supporting Actor, but he was listed here.
Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live - You can get a nom for breaking character?  Mark me down.
Will Arnett, 30 Rock - I want him nominated for everything (especially GOB in 2013)!
Jon Hamm, 30 Rock - Ditto!

OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Dot-Marie Jones, Glee - Good for her - if only the candidates had to arm-wrestle for the award.
Maya Rudolph, Saturday Night Live - More unnecessary Bridesmaids fervor.
Melissa McCarthy, Saturday Night Live - She was good, but SNL is just not funny anymore.
Elizabeth Banks, 30 Rock - I hated the way this storyline played out.
Margaret Cho, 30 Rock - Funny though it's like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia from 2007.
Kathy Bates, Two and a Half Men - She's cool but this show is complete bullshit.

OUTSTANDING DRAMA - Perfect Category - suck it, bitches!!!  I watch good TV.
Boardwalk Empire - Pretty cool
Breaking Bad - Perfect
Downton Abbey - Fabulous
Game of Thrones - Awesome
Homeland - Amazing
Mad Men - Great

OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Kathy Bates, Harry’s Law - She's cool, but no one has ever watched this show.
Glenn Close, Damages - What channel is this on?  Oscar nominee suck-up #2.
Claire Danes, Homeland - Is this what happened to Angela Chase?
Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey  - Edith will sabotage the voting.
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife - I wish she was still a 'bad wife.'  Who turns down Knox Overstreet?  No one.
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men - It will eventually be named Sterling Cooper Draper Olson.

OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A DRAMA - I almost had them all.
Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey - It was the other Hugh's last season though.
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire - Kerry Washington got his name right - Bu-sem-me!
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad - Gonna need a bigger mantle.
Michael C. Hall, Dexter - Now make your show better.
Jon Hamm, Mad Men - The new George Clooney and he hates dumb reality TV whores!
Damian Lewis, Homeland - God, that's a good show.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad - Awesome, just not enough.
Giancarlo Esposito, Breaking Bad - Walk on stage before they finish reading the nominees.
Brendan Coyle, Downton Abbey -  I heart me some Mr. Baaates.
Jim Carter, Downton Abbey - Good for you, though you were better in Season 1.
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones - I love you, but I hope you don't repeat.
Jared Harris, Mad Men -  Cheers for acknowledging Lane's downward spiral; plus, he did get to punch Pete.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA - So Close - I'm too sentimental.
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad - Finally!
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey - Get ready for another award you sassy, old broad.
Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey - Good for the long-suffering Mrs. Baaates.
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife - WTF is happening with this character?  Make her interesting soon.
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife - I like her; she's a not-as-sassy, not-as-old broad.
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men - She's got the life-story to become a female serial killer.

OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Mark Margolis, Breaking Bad - Way to go, Tio - your weird mouth tics paid off!
Dylan Baker, The Good Wife - Continually creepy.
Michael J. Fox, The Good Wife - He's a crowd favorite - again.
Jeremy Davies, Justified
Ben Feldman, Mad Men - Twitchy goodness.
Jason Ritter, Parenthood

OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Martha Plimpton, The Good Wife - Sassy trickster.
Loretta Devine, Grey’s Anatomy
Jean Smart, Harry’s Law
Julia Ormond, Mad Men - So slutty, demeaning and French!
Joan Cusack, Shameless
Uma Thurman, Smash

My Dream 2012 Emmy Nominations

So I can’t watch everything, even though I try.   My picks are made without having watched these critical favorites - I’ll work on it for next year:  Sons of Anarchy, Justified, Happy Endings, Revenge, Fringe, Parenthood, Southland, The Closer, House of Lies.  I also don’t watch these not-so-good shows:  Boss, Up All Night, Smash, Blue Bloods, Touch, Damages, Grey’s Anatomy.  And I don’t agree that SNL cast members should be eligible for the supporting comedy Emmys – they should have a different category (and SNL's not funny anymore).  

Comedy - Show

• 30 Rock - Even as it ages, it's much more funny than almost everything else.
• Community - Has the most jokes per minute of any show pretty much ever.
• Modern Family - I'm worried how the baby will ruin next season because they always do.
• New Girl - Good ensemble cast, all of them are individually apeshit.
• Parks and Recreation - Is it time for Pawnee to win something?  Let's hope so.
• Suburgatory - Who doesn't hate conformity and excessively tan people? No one.

 I watch Louie, Veep, Girls, The Middle and The Big C but they are not always laugh out loud funny.  I thought Cougar Town, Raising Hope and Nurse Jackie had off years.  Big Bang Theory is tired.

Comedy – Actress

• Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation  - It would've been her year if not for Zooey.
• Lena Dunham, Girls- I understand the dynamic of being self-absorbed with self-hatred.
• Patricia Heaton,  The Middle - She's won before, but the show doesn't get any recognition.
• Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly - America's current sweetheart will be nominated.
• Tina Fey, 30 Rock - I read her book, she's comedy gold, Jerry.
• Zooey Deschanel,  New Girl - So cute and quirky - probably going to win.

Comedy – Actor

• Adam Scott,  Parks and Recreation - The straight man in a town full of crazies.
• Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock - He is God.
• Garret Dillahunt, Raising Hope - Best part of the show.
• Jim Parsons, Big Bang Theory - The show is old, but he masters a ton of dialogue.
• Joel McHale, Community - Yeah he's a smarmy douche.  Hopefully, he's acting.
• Louis C.K., Louie - The opposite of Sheldon Cooper, his acting uses the fewest words possible.

Runners-up:  Jeremy Sisto and Neil Flynn.

Comedy - Supporting Actress

• Anna Deveare Smith, Nurse Jackie - She's sassy with a short fuse - love her!
• Aubrey Plaza,  Parks and Recreation - The master of annoyed eye-rolling.
• Busy Phillips, Cougar Town - She's irritating, but she can take an insult from...
• Christa Miller,  Cougar Town - She didn't even put her name in for consideration, but her misanthropic sarcasm makes the show.
• Merrit Wever,  Nurse Jackie - I don't know if she's acting or just weird - love her more!
• Sofia Vergara, Modern Family - I'm fearful for next year's birth scene screeching.

I went with some different choices because it's time for new blood and I'm sick of Julie Bowen's neck veins. 

Comedy - Supporting Actor

• Ed O’Neill, Modern Family - He's over-shadowed by the louder, showier characters, but he danced in Lily's recital!
• Danny Pudi, Community - Two words - Evil Abed.
• Max Greenfield, New Girl - Put money in the Douchebag Jar if you didn't pick him.
• Nick Offerman, Parks and Recreation - Ron mother-effing Swanson!
• Ted Danson, Bored to Death - Rich, loopy and constantly high - the anti-thesis of Sam Malone.
• Ty Burrell,  Modern Family - He's so unintentionally funny and dumb - Brilliant!

This category is so full of potentials that I chose guys I know won't get the actual nominations.  Here's who I left off:  Jake Johnson, Ian Gomez, Oliver Platt, John Benjamin Hickey, Simon Helberg and the gay couple on Modern Family.

Drama - Show

• Boardwalk Empire - Pretty solid season, but they have to hire a lot of new cast members.
• Breaking Bad – A perfect season of television.
• Downton Abbey – It got a little soap opera-y, but it’s marvelously addicting (and hard to recommend to dudes).
• Game of Thrones – An amazing show, but I think the best is yet to come.
• Homeland – Incredibly tense with stellar acting, but unfortunately, it’s not Breaking Bad.
• Mad Men – This season had some great episodes and twists, but it always has too much downtime.

Drama – Actress

• Claire Danes, Homeland - How can she even be on the show next season?
• Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men - Peggy's all growned-up!
• Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey - Welcome back from wherever you were.
• Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife - Solid acting in a solid show.
• Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey - So disgraced, so dramatic, so British.
• Sarah Michelle Geller, Ringer - She won't be nominated but I had to pick someone.  Buffy forever!

Left out:  Mireille Enos - I hated this season and all she did was chew gum and wear that turtleneck sweater. Sarah Wayne Callies - I just hate her, I did like the reaction she gave when Rick told her he killed Shane.

Drama – Actor

• Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad - He's going to need a bigger mantle.
• Damian Lewis, Homeland – He would have won if Bryan Cranston didn’t exist.
• Hugh Laurie, House – Final season (thankfully), but he has no chance.
• Jon Hamm, Mad Men - He was a little boring this year, but the real Don Draper will resurface next season.
• Michael C. Hall, Dexter - The show is tapering off, but he's still great.
• Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire - I still can't believe the ending, but it just wasn't bad-ass enough for this group.

Drama - Supporting Actress

• Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad – She has to protect her family from the guy who knocks.
• Christina Hendricks, Mad Men - Oh Joan, you went from rape survivor to prostitute - what could possibly be next?
• Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey - So much lip-quivering.
• Kelly McDonald, Boardwalk Empire - People are dropping like flies, but she's still standing.
• Lena Headey, Game of Thrones – Watch the “Blackwater” episode where she drunkenly menaces Sansa and prepares to kill her son.
• Maggie Smith,  Downton Abbey – She’s so much cooler than Betty White.

I also like the ladies on The Good Wife though Kalinda has been bugging me - just tell us your secret already.

Drama - Supporting Actor

• Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad - Consumed with guilt and confused about his allegiance - Walt chose for him.
• Bob Odenkirk,  Breaking Bad  - Great lines, bad hair
• Giancarlo Esposito, Breaking Bad – Watch the boxcutter scene again, he conveys pure evil without speaking.
• Jonathan Banks, Breaking Bad – This is the only show where he's not the main badass – he's third.
• Mandy Patinkin, Homeland – The moral compass of the show, I hope he doesn’t leave it abruptly.
• Peter Dinklage,  Game of Thrones – He's the anchor of a great cast.
• Vincent Kartheiser, Mad Men – Everyone heralds John Slattery, but I think it’s time for sweaty-faced Pete to get some Emmy love for his petulant man-child.

Not all the Breaking Bad guys will be acknowledged but they're awesome.  These are the other worthy candidates:  Alan Cumming, Michael Pitt, Michael Shannon, Jack Huston, Josh Charles, Jared Harris, Joel Kinnaman, John Slattery, Brendan Coyle

Hecklers Schmecklers

In the past week, comedians Tammy Pescatelli, Eddie Griffin and Daniel Tosh have been in the news because of problems with hecklers.  These incidents can be easily be rectified if their audience members followed a simple guideline:  If you come to a comedy show, shut the fuck up!  No one paid to hear you and no one wants anything to do with you and your drunken bullshit.  You might be funny around the water cooler or make people laugh at the bar but that doesn’t matter here.  Either grow some balls and try stand-up or shut the fuck up.  During the show topics might be discussed that you don’t agree with.  Not every comic can talk about puppies and rainbows.  If you don’t like it, leave.  Don’t interrupt and--I never thought I would have to say this--don’t throw things.  What grade are you in?  The idea that this is actually happening to comics on stage is completely ridiculous.  I’ve spent a lot of time at Wrigley Field.  If anyone throws something on the field they are immediately escorted out by police.  Have you seen how many security people swarm the field when a fan runs out there?  They mean business and it never ends well for the runner.  If only we lived in a world where every club owner/manager paid that kind of attention to the show.

I have read arguments on other crappy blogs that because the glass didn’t hit her Tammy Pescatelli is over-reacting.  What the fuck is wrong with these people?  Comics are not some kind of medieval puppet show – no one actually throws rotten vegetables.  That bitch threw a glass and she should have spent the night in jail.  Maybe we’ll have to start performing behind chicken wire like in The Blues Brothers.  Psychos would be encouraged to throw their bottles when they don’t approve of material.  I fear the next step will be hillbillies shooting at our feet screaming, “Dance, joke monkey, dance.” 

 Eddie Griffin was also dealing with a female heckler but he took a different road to resolve it.  If a man had thrown a drink at him, it most likely would have ended in fisticuffs (awesome word).   But there is a weird dynamic with male comedians and female hecklers.  Crowds tend to get upset when a male comic picks on a woman, however drunk and obnoxious she may be.  It just seems mean especially to members of the audience who aren’t close enough to hear her inebriated ramblings.  But guess what – she started it.  She threw the drink on him and he retaliated.  He really didn’t need to throw the bottle at her but I understand it was in the heat of the moment.  And for the record:  STOP TAPING STAND-UP SHOWS ON YOUR PHONE – YOU SUCK!

            

As for the infamous Daniel Tosh incident, I say again - shut the fuck up!  Do you really believe that he thinks rape is funny – that if his mother, sister, grandma, or cousin was raped, he’d be cool with it because he got new material?  Sure, he’s immature and uses taboo subjects to get laughs from childish fans – who doesn’t?  (There are a lot of comedians who don’t, but I’m rolling.)  Here’s what happened – he got heckled and when a comic is heckled, the goal is to get the heckler to shut the fuck up as soon as possible.  They don’t want to prolong an inane conversation and ruin their entire set.  Basically, Tosh said the meanest thing he could think of to keep her from interrupting the show any farther.  Would he have watched 5 guys rape her right there?  I’m going to go with no.  Did she shut up?  Yes because she fled the building.  And no because she blogged about it.  Tosh says his retort was taken out of context and apologized.  I think he was harsh, but justified.

Stand-up is not an easy job (as many people have reminded me after a show).  Hecklers NEVER make it easier, funnier, or better.  For every put-down directed to a loud asshole, a comic has to eliminate three punch lines.  Hecklers are self-important jag-offs who want attention.  So are comics.  But we’re paid to be there.  Some hecklers think we’re working together on the same team – we’re not.  Comics often initiate a conversation with an audience member, but they will shut it down the second that person wants to take control.  One hint you are being annoying is when people in your group are embarrassed and tell you to stop talking.  Comics don’t want to chastise or yell at audience members.  We want you to laugh, we want you to have a good time.  The audience is not the enemy, but sometimes people put themselves in that position.  If you want to text or read or play on Facebook, stay home.  If you want to talk to your friends, go to a bar.  If you want to yell at someone without any retaliation, go to a movie (though the other patrons might not like it).  Comedy shows don’t work without an audience but you have to work with us.  Not every joke will be geared toward your taste but remember: they are jokes.  That’s why we’re hired – to tell jokes.   You’re there to watch a show.  It’s just that simple.