Best Picture Possibilities 2013

•          Yeah, I know I'm late, but I think the movies of 2012 sucked and I haven't been able to formulate a decent Top10 List.  Plus, I look forward to making this list every year - I used to print them out and use high-lighters, and now it's on here.  This is the list of the 282 movies that were eligible for the Best Picture Academy Award nomination.  I have seen 52 so far and I'm still not impressed.  My color coding means:

  
  

  Possible Top 10 Candidate  (I haven't seen everything yet, so my list is not (ever) finalized)

  Seen it

  Must see ASAP

  Will see eventually

  Should see, but don't want to

  Will never watch and I'm offended that they could be even remotely considered for Best Picture

  
  

           Some have no coloring which means they are not on my radar for at all.  I have nothing against low-budget films or kids movies or even bad movies.  I do have a problem with expensive Hollywood crap and unnecessary, agenda-forcing malarkey and anything with Tyler Perry, but don't we all?

  
  

  ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER - Exact same plot as that other Lincoln movie.

  ACT OF VALOR

  ADVENTURES IN ZAMBEZIA

  AFTER THE WORLD

  ALEX CROSS - Ughhhhhh.

  ALREADY FAMOUS

  THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN - As unnecessary as a Katy Perry concert movie.

  AMERICAN REUNION - Better than the 2nd and 3rd ones.

  AMOUR

  ANNA KARENINA

  ANY DAY NOW

  THE APPARITION

  ARBITRAGE - Meh.

  ARGO - Pretty tense and way to go John Goodman and Clea Duvall.

  ATLAS SHRUGGED PART II

  BACHELORETTE - Adam Scott says "Sibilance" when testing a mike, and I laughed for 5 minutes.  It would have been better if he didn't name the reference.

  BARBARA

  BARRYMORE

  BATTLESHIP - Next up, Stratego or Milles Borne if you're old school.

  THE BAY

  BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD - Good story, but taken in a weird direction.

  BEING FLYNN

  BERNIE - Pretty weird and interesting.

  THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL - Old people with money.

  BIG MIRACLE

  BLUE COLLAR BOYS

  BLUE LIKE JAZZ

  BONSAI

  BOOKER'S PLACE:  A MISSISSIPPI STORY

  THE BOURNE LEGACY

  BRANDED

  BRAVE

  BROOKLYN BROTHERS BEAT THE BEST

  BROOKLYN CASTLE

  BULLY - Sad and horrifying and seemingly impossible to control or stop.  Bad news for society.

  BUTTER - Lots of celebrities, little reward.

  THE CABIN IN THE WOODS- Until I see something better, Joss Whedon rules my 2012.

  CALIFORNIA SOLO

  THE CAMPAIGN - I liked Elf and I think that's it for Will Ferrell vehicles.

  CARMEN G

  CASA DE MI PADRE

  CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER

  CHASING ICE

  CHASING MAVERICKS

  CHERNOBYL DIARIES

  CHICKEN WITH PLUMS

  CHILDREN WHO CHASE LOST VOICES

  CHIMPANZEE

  CHRONICLE - May be on HBO when I have a fever.

  CIRQUE DU SOLEIL:  WORLDS AWAY

  CLOUD ATLAS

  THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY

  COLOR OF SKY

  COMPLIANCE -Interesting, but I don't recommend that anyone watch this - ever.

  CONTRABAND

  CRAZY EYES

  CROOKED ARROWS

  CROSSROAD

  DAMSELS IN DISTRESS

  THE DARK KNIGHT RISES - It was kind of long and she was too awful to be redeemed.

  DARK SHADOWS - It was incredibly long and just plain awful.

  DARLING COMPANION

  DEADFALL

  DEATH BY CHINA

  THE DEEP BLUE SEA - So this is not about sharks and I don't watch it constantly on TNT?

  DELHI SAFARI

  DETACHMENT

  THE DETAILS

  THE DEVIL INSIDE

  DIANA VREELAND:  THE EYE HAS TO TRAVEL

  DIARY OF A WIMPY KID:  DOG DAYS

  THE DICTATOR

  DJANGO UNCHAINED - I love QT, but do I love this?  It certainly was original.

  DR SUESS' THE LORAX

  DOWNTOWN EXPRESS

  DREDD 3D

  END OF WATCH - The Shield, The Wire and Sons of Anarchy are all better.

  ETHEL - Kennedy???

  THE EXPENDABLES 2 - I saw the first one and I want to see how it plays out.

  THE EYE OF THE STORM

  FAME HIGH

  FAREWELL, MY QUEEN

  THE FIRST TIME

  THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT - Jason Segal had to lose weight, so he could 'realistically' date Emily Blunt, but he's married to Alyson Hannigan on TV.  I'm protesting.

  FLIGHT - Yeah, I'm not really into his movies, regardless of what America thinks.  

  FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL... - Way too girly and unrealistic at times - not the business plan.

  FOR GREATER GLORY:  THE TRUE STORY OF CRISTIADA

  FOR THE LOVE OF MONEY

  FRANCINE

  FRANKENWEENIE -  Dark Shadows has really soured me to the Burton experience.

  FRIENDS WITH KIDS - I love Jon Hamm but hate people with kids - you're super-boring now.

  FROM UP ON POPPY HILL

  FUN SIZE

  THE GATEKEEPERS

  GHOST RIDER:  SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE

  GINGER & ROSA

  THE GIRL - not the crappy HBO movie about Alfred Hitchcock which I unfortunately watched.

  GIRL IN PROGRESS

  GONE

  THE GOOD DOCTOR

  THE GREY - Did the wolves take his wife?

  THE GUILT TRIP - I've driven cross-country with my Mom, so I'm sure it's the same.

  HALLOWEEN PARTY

  HAYWIRE

  HERE

  HERE COMES THE BOOM - Someday, Kevin James will be in a watchable movie.

  HEY KRISHNA

  HIDDEN MOON

  HIT & RUN - Bradley Cooper certainly has a range, I guess.

  HITCHCOCK - The love story is boring - keep reenacting scenes and drama from the set.

  THE HOBBIT:  AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY - It's red, but really green.  Why are there 3?

  HOLY MOTORS

  HOME MINISTER

  HOPE SPRINGS

  HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA - Possibly the best Kevin James movie ever.

  HOU DE JARASA USHIR

  HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET - Filmed before she became respectable - I get it.

  THE HUNGER GAMES - I liked it, but next time just make the book - it's already been written.

  HYDE PARK ON HUDSON

  HYSTERIA - The history of vibrators not explained by Katie Morgan.

  ICE AGE:  CONTINENTAL DRIFT

  THE IMPOSSIBLE - I never would have survived this.

  THE IMPOSTER

  IN THE FAMILY

  THE INTOUCHABLES

  JACK REACHER - If Tom Cruise agrees to do your movie, you don't say no.

  JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME - Eh, you know.

  JOHN CARTER

  JOURNEY 2:  THE MYSTERIOUS LAND

  JOYFUL NOISE - They changed the commercial because Dolly Parton's face was too disturbing.

  JUST 45 MINUTES FROM BROADWAY

  KATY PERRY:  PART OF ME - A waste of time and effort for everyone involved.

  KEEP THE LIGHTS ON - Even gay romance can be boring.

  KILLER JOE

  KILLING THEM SOFTLY - Audiences hated it - that's a good thing.

  LAST CALL AT THE OASIS

  A LATE QUARTET

  LAWLESS

  LAY THE FAVORITE

  LEAST AMONG SAINTS

  LES MISERABLES - It was very long and filled with so many uncomfortable close-ups.

  A LIAR'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY: THE UNTRUE STORY OF GRAHAM CHAPMAN

  LIFE OF PI - That tiger better not die or it's the worst Calvin and Hobbes strip ever!

  LINCOLN - He did a great Lincoln, but no one knows what Lincoln was actually like.

  LITTLE BIRDS

  LOLA VERSUS - It's tough to be single when you're 29, 105 lbs, and blonde.

  THE LONELIEST PLANET

  LOOPER - What did they do to Joseph Gordon-Levitt's face?

  LOSING CONTROL

  THE LUCKY ONE

  LUV

  MADAGASCAR 3:  EUROPE'S MOST WANTED

  MAGIC MIKE - I am content that I am a woman who would never go to one of those shows.

  THE MAGIC OF BELLE ISLE

  MAN ON A LEDGE

  THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS

  MANILA SKIES

  MARVEL'S THE AVENGERS - Joss Whedon pick #2 - prove me wrong Life of Pi.

  THE MASTER - Who doesn't want to make fun of Scientology?  Turns out, it's just as boring as real religions.

  MEN IN BLACK 3 - I do want to see Josh Brolin imitate Tommy Lee Jones, but I don't want to ruin my streak of not watching these movies.

  MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

  MIGHTY FINE

  MIRROR MIRROR - You shouldn't be eligible if there is another movie with the same plot.

  MOONRISE KINGDOM - I want to love it, but it was no Royal Tenenbaums.

  THE MYSTICAL LAWS

  NEIL YOUNG'S JOURNEYS

  NOBODY WALKS

  NORTH SEA TEXAS

  NOT FADE AWAY

  THE ODD LIFE OF TIMOTHY GREEN

  ON THE ROAD

  ONE FOR THE MONEY - Katherine Heigl ruins everything.

  THE ORANGES

  OSLO, AUGUST 31ST

  THE PAINTING

  THE PAPERBOY - I heard Zac Efron pees on Nicole Kidman or I made it up.  Actually, she pees on him and it sucks for several different reasons.

  PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4 - Move the eff on.

  PARANORMAN - Someday on cable, I guess.

  THE PARDON

  PARENTAL GUIDANCE - It's orange because people laughed at the trailer.

  PAUL WILLIAMS STILL ALIVE

  PEOPLE LIKE US

  THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER - It goes farther than I wanted, but I love this quote, "Do you ever think that if people knew how crazy you really were that no one would ever talk to you?  All the time." 

  PIRANHA 3DD

  THE PIRATES!  BAND OF MISFITS

  PITCH PERFECT - Glee goes to college with 30 year actors.

  THE POSSESSION

  PREMIUM RUSH - Is this a Quicksilver remake?

  PROJECT X - So this is not the Matthew Broderick/Helen Hunt chimp movie?  No thanks.

  PROMETHEUS - Best C-section ever!

  PROMISED LAND - What the frack is this about?  

  QUARTET - Old people with more money.

  THE RABBI'S CAT

  THE RAID:  REDEMPTION

  THE RAVEN

  RED TAILS

  RE:GENERATION

  RESIDENT EVIL:  RETRIBUTION

  RETURN

  RISE OF THE GUARDIANS

  ROBOT & FRANK

  ROCK OF AGES - Tom Cruise does sing, just not well.  At all.

  A ROYAL AFFAIR

  RUBY SPARKS - Alright.

  RUST AND BONE - Downer alert.

  SAFE

  SAFE HOUSE - Hey look, Denzel Washington is in a completely generic thriller.  Again.

  SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED - At least, it's original.

  SAINT DRACULA

  SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN

  SAMSARA

  SAVAGES

  SAVING GRACE B. JONES

  SCROOGE & MARLEY

  SEARCHING FOR SUGAR MAN

  SECRET OF THE WINGS

  SEEKING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD-not a super-fun end of the world film.

  THE SESSIONS - I feel like a jerk for complaining about my life and I'm totally iron lung-less.

  SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS - not at all what I thought it would be and not in a good way.

  17 GIRLS

  SIDE BY SIDE

  SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK - He was good, but the movie was all over the place. 

  SINISTER

  SISTER

  SKYFALL - Sure.

  SLEEPWALK WITH ME - It's super-easy to be a comic - Everyone should try.  Just stop inviting me to your shows, all of Facebook.

  SMASHED - Jesse from Breaking Bad is a drunk, I'm sold.  Not as fun as I would have hoped.

  THE SNITCH CARTEL

  SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN - See Mirror Mirror!

  SOMETHING FROM NOTHING:  THE ART OF RAP

  SPARKLE

  STAND UP GUYS

  STARLET

  STEP UP REVOLUTION

  STRUCK BY LIGHTNING - It's from the Glee kid, so I'll watch it on cable.

  TAKE THIS WALTZ

  TAKEN 2

  TED - Pretty long for a talking bear movie.

  10 YEARS

  THAT'S MY BOY

  THIN ICE

  THINK LIKE A MAN

  30 BEATS

  THIS IS 40 - It's not going to be my 40, so who cares?

  THIS MEANS WAR - Because they took so long to name it and this is what they decided on.

  THIS MUST BE THE PLACE

  A THOUSAND WORDS - The world would end if Eddie and Kevin James made a movie.

  360

  THE THREE STOOGES - Very strange casting decisions, not just the Jersey shore people.

  TO ROME WITH LOVE - Why not?  Because it's pretty boring and often not in English.

  TONIGHT YOU'RE MINE

  TOTAL RECALL

  TRASHED

  TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE

  THE TROUBLE WITH THE TRUTH

  21 JUMP STREET - Kind of funny - awesome cameos.

  THE TWILIGHT SAGA:  BREAKING DAWN PART 2 - Can you make a bad book into a good movie?  Only if title length corresponds to quality.

  2 DAYS IN NEW YORK

  TYLER PERRY'S GOOD DEEDS - Ecchhh

  TYLER PERRY'S MADEA'S WITNESS PROTECTION - Double Eccchhh

  UNDERWORLD:  AWAKENING

  UNFORGIVABLE

  UNION SQUARE

  UNTIL THEY ARE HOME

  VIRGINIA

  THE VOW

  WAITING FOR LIGHTNING

  WALTER & TANDOORI'S XMAS

  WANDERLUST - Hey, cast of The State, hold out for better projects.

  WAR OF THE BUTTONS

  WAR OF THE WORLDS:  THE TRUE STORY

  THE WATCH

  WEST OF MEMPHIS

  WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING - I expect a really terrible movie.

  WHERE DO WE GO NOW?

  WON'T BACK DOWN

  THE WORDS

  WRATH OF THE TITANS

  WRECK-IT RALPH - Pretty good and it had some retro-cool references.

  YOUR SISTER'S SISTER

  ZARAFA

  ZERO DARK THIRTY - Do I want to watch this over and over?  Not really.

Oscars Wrap-Up

So, the 85^th Academy Awards are in the books and there are a couple of things worth mentioning.   People have been saying Seth MacFarlane was sexist or racist, etc. – what do you expect?  Have you seen Family Guy or Ted?  Did he have a brain transplant when he got the job?  Frankly, it could have been much worse.   I think his worst moments were the Shatner from the future malarkey and introducing Meryl Streep with “This person needs no introduction” and walking offstage.  Hack Lines 101. 

Yay for Quentin Taratino and Christoph Waltz!  Django Unchained is a lesser QT movie, but you can’t deny its originality. 

How can you say The Avengers are ‘all in one place’ when two are glaringly missing?  ScarJo and Thor’s absence were severely obvious.  Plus, I would not have minded a surprise visit from Agent Coulson or Joss Whedon.

I feel the biggest controversy of the night occurred during the Death Montage and the absence of several people.  I have no problem with giving non-actors credit but don’t leave out famous people due to politics.  Andy Griffith, Alex Karras and Richard Dawson were all missing, yet they have profiles on the Academy website.   Bullshit!  They were prominent figures and shouldn’t be disregarded due to time or whatever the constraints are.  How about have one less painful, awkward banter between presenters?  I think Mongo deserves at least that.  Then, we could all be spared Kristin Stewart’s drugged-fueled dialogue.

We now have more proof that George Clooney is the greatest person ever.  He let Grant Heslov (who needs a nap!) and Ben Affleck use the mike time while he watched with his crazy beard.  You'll be back there, George.

Anne Hathaway needs to take some likeability and genuineness lessons from Jennifer Lawrence.

Golden Globes 2013

              Everyone knows the Golden Globes are kind of a joke, not as bad as the People's Choice Awards, but close.  Apparently, there are only 90 people in the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and can we trust them?  How can you trust an award show when all television supporting roles are put in one category?  Schmidt from New Girl has to compete against Mandy Patinkin from Homeland and they both lost to Ed Harris in Game Change.  Plus, Giancarlo Esposito and Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad weren't even nominated; the whole situation is nonsense.
               Anyhoo, there were very few surprises except for Best Director.  Unlike the Oscars, the Golden Globes nominated worthy candidates:

Best Director - Motion Picture

Ben Affleck for Argo (2012)

Other Nominees:

Kathryn Bigelow for Zero Dark Thirty (2012)

Ang Lee for Life of Pi (2012)

Steven Spielberg for Lincoln (2012)

Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained (2012)

         And they remembered John Hawkes from The Sessions, though he couldn't stop the DDL buzzsaw.  Other than that, not much happened.  Tina and Amy were funny.  Jodie Foster's a lesbian.  Mel Gibson tried to seem like a normal person.  George Clooney is awesome and everyone wants to hang with him - you know, the regular Hollywood malarkey.

Best line:   “Kathryn Bigelow’s nominated tonight. I haven’t really been following the controversy over Zero Dark Thirty, but when it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron.” 

Best win:  Christoph Waltz - He was my favorite part of that movie.

Worst Dressed:  Rosario Dawson.  It looks like it was made from one of Mr. Furley's old leisure suits.  I had to google if she was pregnant or just blind.

2012 Oscar Nominations

Yes, they are the 2012 nominations because these movies came out in 2012.  It is super-annoying when people (and Netflix and IMDB) refer to the Oscars in the year the ceremony took place because it gets everyone confused and it's just plain wrong.  I still haven't seen every movie, but I'm kind of annoyed, not as annoyed as Ben Affleck, but still.  Thanks for trying to be funny Seth MacFarlane, but speed it up, some of us gots to go to work.  And while no one ever thought that Chris Tucker would be in a Best Picture nominee, Walton Goggins (Shane from "The Shield") is in two - now google 'Venus Van Dam.'

Best Picture - 9 nominees is just dumb.  Find a 10th or go back to 5.

• "Argo" - Really interesting and suspenseful with a lot of character actors all resurrected in one movie.
• "Django Unchained" - It's good but in the bottom third of QT movies (which makes it better than most movies.)  Goggins Alert!
• "Les Miserables" - They sure did sing a lot, like... a lot.
• "Life of Pi" - Fine, I'll see it.
• "Amour" - I'll see it when it gets to this state.
• "Lincoln" - A really long episode of the "West Wing."  Goggins alert #2!
• "Silver Linings Playbook" - Is it about mental illness, finding love, football, gambling, dancing?  Pick one or two, not all.  Terrible title also.
• "Zero Dark Thirty" - Must See Immediately
• "Beasts of the Southern Wild" - Maybe the kid but not Best Pic.

Glaring Omissions:  I liked "The Sessions" better than half of these movies.  At least I don't have to sit through "The Hobbit" right away.

Directing - What the shit happened in this Category?  No QT, Bigelow or Ben Chompers?!?

• "Amour" - Michael Haneke - Okay maybe, but...
• "Beasts of the Southern Wild" - Benh Zeitlin - Really?!?  Are you kidding me?
• "Life of Pi" - Ang Lee - Sure I guess, but...
• "Lincoln" - Steven Spielberg - The only normal pick.
• "Silver Linings Playbook" - David O. Russell - George Clooney and Lily Tomlin are pissed because they hate him.  The movie is 4 different genres all at once, and it's not as good as "The Fighter."

Glaring Omissions:  Everyone that made a good movie.  The Academy is a bunch of racist, sexist, anti-Bentites (even though QT is white).  "Les Miz" had some amazing shots, but I found those close-up solos horribly awkward and uncomfortable, so I'm cool with Hooper's omission.

Actor in a Leading Role

• Bradley Cooper - "Silver Linings Playbook" - I'm happy about this, he was a good with the manic-ness.
• Daniel Day-Lewis - "Lincoln" - Probably going to be the first to have 3 Best Actor Oscars.
• Hugh Jackman - "Les Miserables" -  A little pitchy, dawg (I'm quoting Frank from "Always Sunny in Philly")
• Joaquin Phoenix - "The Master" - Haven't seen it but alright and who doesn't want to make fun of Scientology?
• Denzel Washington - "Flight" - Come on people.  I know he's some kind of national treasure but 87% of his movies are the same thing - one of them is even named "Deja Vu."  

Glaring Omissions:  John mother-effing Hawkes from "The Sessions."  I guess he wasn't as good at being bedridden as Denzel in "The Bone Collector."  Academy, I'm violently angry about this and shame on you.  He was on par with DDL and you really suck for overlooking a great portrayal of positivity and humor in such a negative situation.  Hawkes played a paralytic, lost weight, died - you usually eat that shit up.  WTF?

Actress in a Leading Role

• Jessica Chastain - "Zero Dark Thirty" - Haven't seen it yet.
• Jennifer Lawrence - "Silver Linings Playbook" - I don't get it, I really don't.  I wasn't with her at all.
• Emmanuelle Riva - "Amour" - HSIY
• Quvenzhané Wallis - "Beasts of Southern Wild" - It was interesting and sad.
• Naomi Watts - "The Impossible" - HSIY

Glaring Omissions:  Not a lot of other options out there this year.

Actor in a Supporting Role

• Alan Arkin - "Argo" - Was he a ever a young, free-spirited person?  Doesn't seem likely.
• Robert De Niro - "Silver Linings Playbook":  Fun fact:  hasn't had a nom in 21 years.
• Philip Seymour Hoffman - "The Master" - Scientology nutjob wackiness.
• Tommy Lee Jones - "Lincoln" - He is not aging well - the skin is melting off of his face and hands.
• Christoph Waltz - "Django Unchained" - Great decision; he was the best part of the movie and I want to know who crafted the quirkiness of the role, Christoph or QT?

Glaring Omissions:  I'm sticking with my own theme and am going with William H. Macy in "The Sessions."

Actress in a Supporting Role

• Amy Adams - "The Master" - Waiting not-so-patiently for the DVD release.
• Sally Field - "Lincoln" - Fun fact:  She is 2 for 2 in Oscar nominations.  Doesn't it seem like there would have been more?.
• Anne Hathaway - "Les Miserables" - Cutting that hair was rough, but the solo was good in a horribly sad way.
• Helen Hunt - "The Sessions" - Not as good as John mother-effing Hawkes, but still good.
• Jackie Weaver - "Silver Linings Playbook" - Alright, I guess so... 

Glaring Omissions:  I saw "Compliance" and it is hard to watch.  I guess Ann Dowd was good, but I can't recommend that anyone else see it.

2012 Emmy Nominations - the Good, the Bad and the Stupid

Here are the actual Emmy nominations, and I highlighted the ones I chose in blue, my secondary choices in purple, yellow for something cool and red for something ridiculous.  Holy shit, HBO did a lot of campaigning.  They dominated almost every category and not always deservedly.  They should have coughed up some money for Lena Headey!

Worst Non-Nomination:  Parks and Recreation - WTF is wrong with you people?  I understand Community is too weird and clique-y but P&R is consistently hilarious unlike Veep, Girls and The Big Bang Theory.  HBO has too much money and Emmy voters are easily swayed.  Boo-urns!

Worst Nomination:  Jon Cryer - The show is dead and should be canceled.  Move on, old people.

OUTSTANDING COMEDY
The Big Bang Theory - Better than the rest of the CBS laughtrack shows.
Curb Your Enthusiasm - It was a good season in NYC, but I kind of forgot about it.
Girls - I liked it, but did I laugh out loud?  Not enough.
Modern Family - Consistently good
30 Rock - Still better than most everything else.
Veep - It was alright, but HBO has the money to change minds.

OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY - Very close - they did have 7 nominees.
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl -  Subtle in a crazy way 
Lena Dunham, Girls - Crazy in a subtle way
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie - Becoming sober ruins a show; i.e. House and Rescue Me.
Tina Fey, 30 Rock - A comedic gem.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep - Everyone wants to hear Elaine swear, but is that enough?
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly - She's kind of mean - I liked her more as Sookie St. James.
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation - Too much young blood, she won't get what she deserves.

OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock - I was right, he is God.
Don Cheadle, House of Lies - Choose an actor on a show people watch - not just a famous one you want to suck up to.
Louis C.K., Louie - More subtle craziness.
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men - This is an abomination.  I apologize to Adam Scott, Garret Dillahunt and Joel McHale for other people's stupidity and reliance on familiarity.
Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm - I understand.
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory - Next year, can we get a nom for Howard?

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Ed O’Neill, Modern Family - His first Emmy nomination - really, Academy, really?!?
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family - I knew he would be nominated, I'm just sick of him.
Ty Burrell, Modern Family - always stellar.
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family - see JTF note above.
Max Greenfield, New Girl - Don't spin-off just yet.
Bill Hader, Saturday Night Live - He just can't compare and should be in a Variety category.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory - Eh, she's alright.
Kathryn Joosten, Desperate Housewives - I would never begrudge Mrs. Landingham - RIP.
Julie Bowen, Modern Family - She's annoying, but her character is good.
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family - Her character is annoying but she's good - see the difference?
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie - Finally - dumb Emmy voters have seen the Zoey Barkow light!
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live - This is just Bridesmaids fallout.

OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Michael J. Fox, Curb Your Enthusiasm - He's a crowd favorite.
Greg Kinnear, Modern Family - Whatever.
Bobby Cannavale, Nurse Jackie - I wanted him for Supporting Actor, but he was listed here.
Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live - You can get a nom for breaking character?  Mark me down.
Will Arnett, 30 Rock - I want him nominated for everything (especially GOB in 2013)!
Jon Hamm, 30 Rock - Ditto!

OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Dot-Marie Jones, Glee - Good for her - if only the candidates had to arm-wrestle for the award.
Maya Rudolph, Saturday Night Live - More unnecessary Bridesmaids fervor.
Melissa McCarthy, Saturday Night Live - She was good, but SNL is just not funny anymore.
Elizabeth Banks, 30 Rock - I hated the way this storyline played out.
Margaret Cho, 30 Rock - Funny though it's like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia from 2007.
Kathy Bates, Two and a Half Men - She's cool but this show is complete bullshit.

OUTSTANDING DRAMA - Perfect Category - suck it, bitches!!!  I watch good TV.
Boardwalk Empire - Pretty cool
Breaking Bad - Perfect
Downton Abbey - Fabulous
Game of Thrones - Awesome
Homeland - Amazing
Mad Men - Great

OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Kathy Bates, Harry’s Law - She's cool, but no one has ever watched this show.
Glenn Close, Damages - What channel is this on?  Oscar nominee suck-up #2.
Claire Danes, Homeland - Is this what happened to Angela Chase?
Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey  - Edith will sabotage the voting.
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife - I wish she was still a 'bad wife.'  Who turns down Knox Overstreet?  No one.
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men - It will eventually be named Sterling Cooper Draper Olson.

OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A DRAMA - I almost had them all.
Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey - It was the other Hugh's last season though.
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire - Kerry Washington got his name right - Bu-sem-me!
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad - Gonna need a bigger mantle.
Michael C. Hall, Dexter - Now make your show better.
Jon Hamm, Mad Men - The new George Clooney and he hates dumb reality TV whores!
Damian Lewis, Homeland - God, that's a good show.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad - Awesome, just not enough.
Giancarlo Esposito, Breaking Bad - Walk on stage before they finish reading the nominees.
Brendan Coyle, Downton Abbey -  I heart me some Mr. Baaates.
Jim Carter, Downton Abbey - Good for you, though you were better in Season 1.
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones - I love you, but I hope you don't repeat.
Jared Harris, Mad Men -  Cheers for acknowledging Lane's downward spiral; plus, he did get to punch Pete.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA - So Close - I'm too sentimental.
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad - Finally!
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey - Get ready for another award you sassy, old broad.
Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey - Good for the long-suffering Mrs. Baaates.
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife - WTF is happening with this character?  Make her interesting soon.
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife - I like her; she's a not-as-sassy, not-as-old broad.
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men - She's got the life-story to become a female serial killer.

OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Mark Margolis, Breaking Bad - Way to go, Tio - your weird mouth tics paid off!
Dylan Baker, The Good Wife - Continually creepy.
Michael J. Fox, The Good Wife - He's a crowd favorite - again.
Jeremy Davies, Justified
Ben Feldman, Mad Men - Twitchy goodness.
Jason Ritter, Parenthood

OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Martha Plimpton, The Good Wife - Sassy trickster.
Loretta Devine, Grey’s Anatomy
Jean Smart, Harry’s Law
Julia Ormond, Mad Men - So slutty, demeaning and French!
Joan Cusack, Shameless
Uma Thurman, Smash