Hecklers Schmecklers

In the past week, comedians Tammy Pescatelli, Eddie Griffin and Daniel Tosh have been in the news because of problems with hecklers.  These incidents can be easily be rectified if their audience members followed a simple guideline:  If you come to a comedy show, shut the fuck up!  No one paid to hear you and no one wants anything to do with you and your drunken bullshit.  You might be funny around the water cooler or make people laugh at the bar but that doesn’t matter here.  Either grow some balls and try stand-up or shut the fuck up.  During the show topics might be discussed that you don’t agree with.  Not every comic can talk about puppies and rainbows.  If you don’t like it, leave.  Don’t interrupt and--I never thought I would have to say this--don’t throw things.  What grade are you in?  The idea that this is actually happening to comics on stage is completely ridiculous.  I’ve spent a lot of time at Wrigley Field.  If anyone throws something on the field they are immediately escorted out by police.  Have you seen how many security people swarm the field when a fan runs out there?  They mean business and it never ends well for the runner.  If only we lived in a world where every club owner/manager paid that kind of attention to the show.

I have read arguments on other crappy blogs that because the glass didn’t hit her Tammy Pescatelli is over-reacting.  What the fuck is wrong with these people?  Comics are not some kind of medieval puppet show – no one actually throws rotten vegetables.  That bitch threw a glass and she should have spent the night in jail.  Maybe we’ll have to start performing behind chicken wire like in The Blues Brothers.  Psychos would be encouraged to throw their bottles when they don’t approve of material.  I fear the next step will be hillbillies shooting at our feet screaming, “Dance, joke monkey, dance.” 

 Eddie Griffin was also dealing with a female heckler but he took a different road to resolve it.  If a man had thrown a drink at him, it most likely would have ended in fisticuffs (awesome word).   But there is a weird dynamic with male comedians and female hecklers.  Crowds tend to get upset when a male comic picks on a woman, however drunk and obnoxious she may be.  It just seems mean especially to members of the audience who aren’t close enough to hear her inebriated ramblings.  But guess what – she started it.  She threw the drink on him and he retaliated.  He really didn’t need to throw the bottle at her but I understand it was in the heat of the moment.  And for the record:  STOP TAPING STAND-UP SHOWS ON YOUR PHONE – YOU SUCK!

            

As for the infamous Daniel Tosh incident, I say again - shut the fuck up!  Do you really believe that he thinks rape is funny – that if his mother, sister, grandma, or cousin was raped, he’d be cool with it because he got new material?  Sure, he’s immature and uses taboo subjects to get laughs from childish fans – who doesn’t?  (There are a lot of comedians who don’t, but I’m rolling.)  Here’s what happened – he got heckled and when a comic is heckled, the goal is to get the heckler to shut the fuck up as soon as possible.  They don’t want to prolong an inane conversation and ruin their entire set.  Basically, Tosh said the meanest thing he could think of to keep her from interrupting the show any farther.  Would he have watched 5 guys rape her right there?  I’m going to go with no.  Did she shut up?  Yes because she fled the building.  And no because she blogged about it.  Tosh says his retort was taken out of context and apologized.  I think he was harsh, but justified.

Stand-up is not an easy job (as many people have reminded me after a show).  Hecklers NEVER make it easier, funnier, or better.  For every put-down directed to a loud asshole, a comic has to eliminate three punch lines.  Hecklers are self-important jag-offs who want attention.  So are comics.  But we’re paid to be there.  Some hecklers think we’re working together on the same team – we’re not.  Comics often initiate a conversation with an audience member, but they will shut it down the second that person wants to take control.  One hint you are being annoying is when people in your group are embarrassed and tell you to stop talking.  Comics don’t want to chastise or yell at audience members.  We want you to laugh, we want you to have a good time.  The audience is not the enemy, but sometimes people put themselves in that position.  If you want to text or read or play on Facebook, stay home.  If you want to talk to your friends, go to a bar.  If you want to yell at someone without any retaliation, go to a movie (though the other patrons might not like it).  Comedy shows don’t work without an audience but you have to work with us.  Not every joke will be geared toward your taste but remember: they are jokes.  That’s why we’re hired – to tell jokes.   You’re there to watch a show.  It’s just that simple.