2013 Best Picture Possibilities

Oscar time is upon us and this is one of my favorite things to do.  There are 289 candidates this year, up from 265 last year.  Let's hope that means they are of better quality but probably not.  I've seen 54 so far. 

My color coding means:

Possible Top 10 Candidate  (I haven't seen everything yet, so my list is not (ever) finalized)

Seen it

Must see ASAP

Will see eventually

Should see, but don't want to

Will never watch and I'm offended that they could be even remotely considered for Best Picture

         Some have no coloring which means they are not on my radar for at all.  I have nothing against low-budget films or kids movies or even bad movies.  I do have a problem with expensive Hollywood crap and unnecessary, agenda-forcing malarkey and anything with Tyler Perry, but don't we all?

ABOUT TIME - Another movie from the director of Love Actually that I will never watch.

ADMISSION - I like 30 Rock so much better than her movies.

ADORE

AFTER EARTH

AFTERNOON DELIGHT

AIN'T THEM BODIES SAINTS - methodical, ethereal, and any other word that means boring.

ALL IS LOST

ALONE YET NOT ALONE

AMERICAN HUSTLE - I thought J-Law was better here than in Silver Linings Playbook.

ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES - I would be excited for Elf 2, but not for this.

THE ARMSTRONG LIE - It used to be titled The Road Back.

ARTHUR NEWMAN

AT ANY PRICE

AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY

AUGUSTINE

AUSTENLAND

BAGGAGE CLAIM

BALLAD OF RUSTOM

BATTLE OF THE YEAR - Chris Brown is in it.  Do what you will.

BEAUTIFUL CREATURES - I didn't read the book.

BEFORE MIDNIGHT - It was so harsh at times

THE BEST MAN HOLIDAY

BETWEEN US

THE BIG WEDDING

BLACK NATIVITY

THE BLING RING - Attractive, self-important rich people - who's stealing from whom exactly?

BLUE CAPRICE

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR

BLUE JASMINE - In the midst of all the backlash, this movie is not kind to women at all.

THE BOOK THIEF

BRAVE MISS WORLD

THE BROKEN CIRCLE BREAKDOWN

BROKEN CITY

BULLET TO THE HEAD

THE BUTTERFLY'S DREAM

THE CALL

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS - It was kind of long and you knew how it ended.  

CARRIE - the 3rd remake plus there's a weird sequel.  No one remembers the 1952 movie with Lawrence Olivier - thanks for nothing, Stephen King.

CHARLIE COUNTRYMAN

CLEAVER'S DESTINY

CLOSED CIRCUIT

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2

THE COMPANY YOU KEEP

THE CONDEMNED

THE CONJURING - I wish Patrick Wilson would be in more movies I'm not afraid to watch.

COPPERHEAD

THE COUNSELOR

THE CROODS

DALLAS BUYERS CLUB - He got really skinny, but it wasn't mind-blowing.

DANCING ON A DRY SALT LAKE

DEAD MAN DOWN

DELIVERY MAN

DESPICABLE ME 2 - Someone was named Ramsbottom and no gay jokes were made.

DIANA

DISCONNECT - Not really.

DON JON - ScarJo chewed gum in every scene, but I didn't fast-forward - YAY me!

DOWN THE SHORE - James Gandolfini guilt.

DRINKING BUDDIES - I like Jake Johnson and Chicago movies, but not this one so much.

THE EAST

ELYSIUM - It took me forever to recognize Sharlto Copley, but that was the only thing keeping me interested.

EMPEROR

ENDER'S GAME - I didn't read this book either, but it does have Harrison Ford.

ENOUGH SAID - I hate having to watch things that will make me sad.

EPIC

ERNEST & CELESTINE

ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH

ESCAPE FROM TOMORROW

ESCAPE PLAN

EVERYBODY HAS A PLAN - Viggo Mortensen speaks Spanish.

EVIL DEAD - Can it be better than the movie I've never seen?

THE FALL OF 1980

THE FAMILY

FAST & FURIOUS 6 - I've never seen one and will continue that streak.

THE FIFTH ESTATE

FILL THE VOID

FILLY BROWN

FOR NO GOOD REASON

47 RONIN

42 - Good enough.

FRANCES HA

FREE BIRDS

FREE CHINA: THE COURAGE TO BELIEVE

FROZEN

FRUITVALE STATION - Good but kind of manipulative.

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION - Nope

GAHAN WILSON: BORN DEAD, STILL WEIRD

GANGSTER SQUAD

GETAWAY

GIMME SHELTER - It's already the title of a movie featuring a band that has far more longevity than Vanessa Hudgens (even after that guy died at Altamont).

GIMME THE LOOT

GIRL MOST LIKELY - Not-so-high hopes dashed by excessive weirdness.

GIRLS AGAINST BOYS

GLORIA - The third movie with this title, though new plot.

GO FOR SISTERS

A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD - meh.

GRACE UNPLUGGED - It's about a Christian teen-aged singer - do what you will.

THE GRANDMASTER

GRAVITY- So much heavy breathing; it would have been worse if she were chewing gum.

THE GREAT BEAUTY

THE GREAT GATSBY - I really do like Baz Luhrmann's vision and style.

GROWN UPS 2

GRUDGE MATCH - For the record, Deniro is 70 and Stallone is surprisingly 67.

THE HANGOVER PART III-Almost as terrible as the 2nd one, which is one of the worst movies ever.

HANNAH ARENDT

HANSEL & GRETEL WITCH HUNTERS

A HAUNTED HOUSE

HAUTE CUISINE

THE HEAT - Sandra Bullock was trying way too hard.

HER - I wanted it to be better.  It's no Lars and the Real Girl.

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG

HOLLYWOOD SEAGULL

HOMEFRONT

THE HOST

HOURS

HOW I LIVE NOW 

HOW SWEET IT IS - Joe Piscopo's triumphant return?

THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE - amazing adaptation of the best book in the trilogy.

THE HUNT

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE 2

I USED TO BE DARKER.

THE ICEMAN

IDENTITY THIEF - You saw the commercials; the only surprise is how unnecessarily long it is.

IF I WERE YOU

IL FUTURO

I'M SO EXCITED!

THE IMPALER

IN A WORLD...

IN THE FOG

THE INCREDIBLE BURT WONDERSTONE

THE INEVITABLE DEFEAT OF MISTER & PETE

INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS - That cat better make it.

INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER 2 - Come on, Patrick - at least guest star on Girls again.

INSTRUCTIONS NOT INCLUDED

THE INTERNSHIP

THE INVISIBLE WOMAN

IRON MAN 3 - So women force men to change and not be cool anymore??  Sobriety ruins interesting people.

JACK THE GIANT SLAYER

JACKASS PRESENTS: BAD GRANDPA

JAYNE MANSFIELD'S CAR - Did Mariska Hargitay give the OK on this?

JEWTOPIA

JOBS.

KAMASUTRA 3D

KEVIN HART: LET ME EXPLAIN

KHUMBA

KICK-ASS 2

KILL YOUR DARLINGS

THE KINGS OF SUMMER

L.A. SUPERHEROES

LABOR DAY

THE LAST EXORCISM PART II

THE LAST STAND - Really, Forest Whitaker, really??

LAST VEGAS

LEE DANIELS' THE BUTLER - I was more interested in the casting of the Presidents - they got more bizarre as the movie went on.

THE LEGEND OF SARILA

A LETTER TO MOMO

LIVE AT THE FOXES DEN

THE LONE RANGER - I'm shocked at whatever money it did make at the box office.

LONE SURVIVOR

THE LORDS OF SALEM - Maria Conchita Alonso, you can do better than Rob Zombie nonsense.

LORE

LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED

LOVELACE - Peter Sarsgaard being creepy again.

THE M WORD

MACHETE KILLS

MAMA

MAN OF STEEL - I didn't like this at all and thought Michael Shannon was way out of place.

MANDELA: LONG WALK TO FREEDOM

MENTAL

METALLICA THROUGH THE NEVER

THE MISSING PICTURE

MONSTERS UNIVERSITY - You know...

MORNING

THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES - I really don't read enough.

MOVIE 43

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING - I wanted to love this; Nathan Fillion & Tom Lenk are great.

MUD - I didn't recognize Reese Witherspoon at first, but nothing else was memorable.

MUMIA: LONG DISTANCE REVOLUTIONARY

MURPH: THE PROTECTOR

THE MUSLIMS ARE COMING!

NEBRASKA - Is this what happens to Saul Goodman after Breaking Bad?

99% - THE OCCUPY WALL STREET COLLABORATIVE FILM 

NO ONE LIVES 

NOTHING LEFT TO FEAR 

NOW YOU SEE ME  - I always aspired to be a con artist.

O APÓSTOLO 

OBLIVION - Tom Cruise talks about sports like he actually has seen them.

OFFICER DOWN 

OLDBOY 

OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN 

ONE CHANCE

ONE DIRECTION: THIS IS US - I want to shave all of their heads.

ONLY GOD FORGIVES 

OUT OF THE FURNACE

OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL - Yeah, like blondes aren't evil.

PACIFIC RIM - Charlie Hunnam doesn't use his British accent, but Idris Elba does - total wash.

THE PACKAGE - Dolph Lundgren alert!

PAIN & GAIN

PARADISE: LOVE 

PARANOIA - Liam Hemsworth - forever unclean!!!  (because he boned Miley Cyrus)

PARKLAND

THE PAST 

THE PATIENCE STONE 

PAWN 

PAWN SHOP CHRONICLES - Norman Reedus and Lukas Haas together at last!

PEEPLES 

PERCY JACKSON: SEA OF MONSTERS - didn't read the books or see the first one.

PHILOMENA - I thought Steve Coogan's presence would make it funnier - not so much.  But it's another reason to hate the Catholic church!

THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES 

PLANES -I appreciate not having to look at Dane Cook, but I don't want to listen to him either.

POPULAIRE

PRINCE AVALANCHE 

PRISONERS - pretty long

PUELLA MAGI MADOKA MAGICA THE MOVIE -REBELLION- 

THE PURGE 

R.I.P.D. - pretty bad.

REACHING FOR THE MOON 

RED 2 - pretty standard.

REDEMPTION 

RENOIR 

RIDDICK 

RIO 2096 - A STORY OF LOVE AND FURY

ROMEO & JULIET 

RUNNER RUNNER 

RUSH 

SAFE HAVEN - Nicholas Sparks E-Harmony spiritual bullshit.

SALINGER 

THE SAPPHIRES 

SAVING MR. BANKS 

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY - Maybe if the commercial aired less, it would have piqued my interest more.

SHADOW DANCER 

SHORT TERM 12 - Disturbing but interesting to watch.

SIDE EFFECTS - forgettable.

A SINGLE SHOT 

THE SMURFS 2 

SNITCH 

SOMM 

SOUND CITY

SPARK: A BURNING MAN STORY

SPECIFIC INTENT 2 

THE SPECTACULAR NOW 

SPRING BREAKERS

THE SQUARE

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS - I liked it, but kind of fell asleep in the theater.

STATE 194

STILL MINE 

STOKER - Just OK; it went in a direction I didn't like.

TEXAS CHAINSAW 

THANKS FOR SHARING

THIS IS MARTIN BONNER 

THIS IS THE END - ruined by the Backstreet Boys, just like the 90s.

THOR: THE DARK WORLD  - Loki's cool, Thor's hot - business as usual.

3 GEEZERS! 

TIM'S VERMEER

THE TO DO LIST - dirty fun.

TO THE WONDER 

TOURING TALKIES 

TRANCE 

THE TRUTH ABOUT EMANUEL 

TURBO 

12.12.12 - I think this is the horror film and not the concert film.

12 YEARS A SLAVE - The title is a spoiler alert, but it does make me think of Hard to Watch: Based on the Novel "Stone Cold Bummer" by Manipulate

21 & OVER 

TWICE BORN 

2 GUNS 

TWO: THE STORY OF ROMAN & NYRO

TYLER PERRY'S A MADEA CHRISTMAS - Larry the Cable Guy is in it.

TYLER PERRY'S TEMPTATION CONFESSIONS OF A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR - This one has Kim Kardashian.

THE ULTIMATE LIFE 

UNFINISHED SONG 

UPSIDE DOWN 

WADJDA 

WALKING WITH DINOSAURS 

THE WALL 

WARM BODIES - too lovey-dovey and a little long.

THE WAY, WAY BACK - Unfortunately for me, I aspire to be Sam Rockwell's character. 

WE STEAL SECRETS: THE STORY OF WIKILEAKS

WE'RE THE MILLERS - not bad and I love the line "I'm awake and I speak English."

WHAT MAISIE KNEW 

WHITE HOUSE DOWN 

WHY WE RIDE

THE WIND RISES

WINNIE MANDELA 

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET - I liked it, but it made me sad that I have zero sales skills.

THE WOLVERINE - same old same old.  Looking forward to when all the X-Men are together.

WORLD WAR Z - Cool zombie movie but Brad Pitt can't pull off playing a guy named Gerry.

THE WORLD'S END - Disappointing ending to the Wright/Pegg/Frost trilogy.

YOSSI

YOU'RE NEXT 

ZAYTOUN 

Oscar Nominations

Any day that starts with Chris Hemsworth can't be that bad.  I guess it was for some people, sorry Tom Hanks.  And in news that makes me want to vomit, Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa has an Oscar nomination but James Gandolfini does not.

Best Picture
"12 Years A Slave"
"American Hustle"
"Dallas Buyers Club"
"Her"
"Nebraska"
"Captain Phillips"
"The Wolf of Wall Street"
"Gravity"
"Philomena"

No big surprises here except for having an idiotic 9 contenders.  Choose 10 or 5, this is dumb.

Directing
Alfonso Cuaron - "Gravity"
Steve McQueen - "12 Years A Slave"
Alexander Payne - "Nebraska"
David O. Russell - "American Hustle"
Martin Scorsese - "The Wolf of Wall Street"

No one was picking Scorsese, but they really thought Spike Jonze had a chance.  Think, McFly, think!

Actress in a Leading Role
Cate Blanchett - "Blue Jasmine"
Sandra Bullock - "Gravity"
Judi Dench - "Philomena"
Meryl Streep - "August: Osage County"
Amy Adams - "American Hustle"

There is no one who can stop the Streep from train a'rollin'.  Her character is sick, so she was a lock.

Actor in a Leading Role

Bruce Dern - "Nebraska"
Chiwetel Ejiofor - "12 Years A Slave"
Matthew McConaughey - "Dallas Buyers Club"
Christian Bale - "American Hustle"
Leonardo DiCaprio - "The Wolf of Wall Street"

There has been a change in the Force, Wooderson has an Oscar nomination.  I suppose I can keep livin', I still have to see that movie.   Leo is getting a lot of love too, knocking off two old-timers.  Redford has been complaining about the lack of a campaign, but nobody saw your movie, dude.

Actress in a Supporting Role
Sally Hawkins - "Blue Jasmine"
Jennifer Lawrence - "American Hustle"
Lupita Nyong'o - "12 Years A Slave"
Julia Roberts - "August: Osage County"
June Squibb - "Nebraska"

I know it's wrong to revel in someone's defeat, but I a sooo happy that Oprah didn't get a nomination.  I know I'm petty and jealous but fuck her and her giant head.  Yay, June Squibb!  Sassy old lady alert.

Actor in a Supporting Role

Barkhad Abdi - "Captain Phillips"
Michael Fassbender - "12 Years A Slave"
Jared Leto - "Dallas Buyers Club"
Bradley Cooper - "American Hustle"
Jonah Hill - "The Wolf of Wall Street"

Anyone else shocked that Jared Leto is the oldest dude in this group of people?  Jordan Catalano is 42 and Fassbender is only 36.  Mike, you've got to stay out of the sun.  Meanwhile, Jonah Hill's chompers and fake weiner pushed out James Gandolfini.

Writing (Original Screenplay)
"American Hustle" - Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell
"Blue Jasmine" - Woody Allen
"Her" - Spike Jonze
"Nebraska" - Bob Nelson
"Dallas Buyers Club" - Craig Borten and Melisa Wallack

Gravity didn't need a nomination.  Sandra Bullock breathes heavy for an hour.  

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
"Before Midnight" - Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke
"Captain Phillips" - Billy Ray
"Philomena" - Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope
"12 Years A Slave" - John Ridley
"The Wolf of Wall Street" - Terence Winter

Why not just make Blue Jasmine or Before Midnight a Best Picture nominee to make it even?

Makeup and hairstyling
"Dallas Buyers Club"
"Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa"
"The Lone Ranger"

How is American Hustle not in this category?  All of their hair was apeshit the whole movie.

Golden Globes 2014 (but for 2013 movies)

A couple of notes about last night's Golden Globes:

Amy and Tina's best line: "George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend another minute with a woman his own age."

Runner-Up:  "Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College."

This was Breaking Bad and Bryan Cranston's first Golden Globe?  A little behind the times HFPA.  But you get a 'Yeah, Bitch!' for finally getting it right.  They had me from Day 1.

I don't know who Taylor Kinney is but I know he can't say candelabra.  First impressions are everything.

Bono's glasses reached a record-high level of jag-baggery.

I still don't think I'm ready for Matthew McConaughey to be considered a legitimate actor.  Let's see if he gets an Oscar nomination on Thursday before I have to take an official stance.

The whole Woody Allen situation is so weird, especially how she said he is great for actresses.  Are there women who refuse to work with him because of his creepiness?  Besides Mia Farrow, of course.  Does anyone refuse to work with Roman Polanski?  Because they should - I read the transcripts, he's gross.

Hearing the name Steve McQueen and then seeing a large, black British man is quite jarring.

Hearing that Michael Douglas won a Golden Globe for Romancing the Stone is also jarring, but in a strangely pleasant way.

Worst Dress:  

That ruffle could clothe all of the Somali pirates.

Runner-Up:

Don't old women wear purple and red together as a joke?  This is not funny.

My Dream Emmy Nominations 2013

The Emmy nominations are announced tomorrow, so here are my dream nominees.  And I do realize that my dreams rarely come true.  (Everyone should worry about that one where I have to stab people I know with dull instruments.  They had turned evil but it was disturbing and took a whole lot of effort.)

Comedy Series

• 30 Rock - Even in its waning years, it was still funnier than most shows
• Happy Endings - ABC put it on Fridays to slowly die - maybe a cable network will pick it up.
• Modern Family - Still pretty good.
• New Girl - Not relying on cuteness alone and coming into its own as a series.
• The Mindy Project - My wild card pick; it's nice that a doctor is a social disaster.
• Parks and Recreation - A little sappy this year; it was robbed of a nom in 2012.

Comedy – Lead Actress

• Zooey Deschanel, New Girl – Still cute, still quirky.
• Patricia Heaton, The Middle – This category is a little light, but she has gotten overlooked in this role.
• Mindy Kaling, The Mindy Project – She's got great throw away lines and loses control of every conversation yet keeps talking.
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep – I like people who swear.
• Martha Plimpton, Raising Hope – She says words wrong a lot.
• Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation – Time to get recognized, Leslie.

I know Lena Dunham will be nominated but I'm still super-jealous that she got to fake-bang Patrick Wilson which is really the only reason to create a show.  If only I had famous parents and talent.

Comedy – Lead Actor

• Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock – He's kind of a homophobic jag-off in real life, but Jack Donaghy is eternally cool.
• Louis C.K., Louie - He's the ultimate straight man yet a comedian.
• Neil Flynn, The Middle -  Again, I think this show gets overlooked.
• Jake Johnson, New Girl – Nick became a man.
• Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory – A well-deserved perennial favorite.
• Adam Scott, Parks and Recreation – Dorky and cute, but too much hair product.

Comedy – Supporting Actress

• Eliza Coupe, Happy Endings – Everyone goes ape-shit for Casey Wilson, but Jane is the brains and balls of the group. 
• Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock – She's never won and has some of the best, most self-obsessed lines.
• Aubrey Plaza, Parks and Recreation – Winner of most eye rolls per minute.
• Christa Miller, Cougar Town – Just because she wasn't eligible last year - it was probably Dime-eyes' fault.
• Sofia Vergara, Modern Family – Julie Bowen gets all the credit
• Jessica Walter, Arrested Development – Still an amazing character.

Comedy – Supporting Actor

• Ty Burrell, Modern Family – Consistently funny.
• Max Greenfield, New Girl – Enough with the fat suit already.
• Simon Helberg, The Big Bang Theory – Always a bridesmaid in a dickey...
• Nick Offerman, Parks and Recreation – Because he's Ron F****** Swanson, that's why!
• Ed O’Neill, Modern Family – The under appreciated heart of the show.
• Jeffrey Tambor, Arrested Development – He did play 2 roles.
• Damon Wayans, Jr., Happy Endings – More feminine than the girls and gay guy, yet still more masculine than the other straight guy.  

Drama Series

• Breaking Bad - It has never won, and that's ridiculous.
• Game of Thrones - Boring, boring, boring - Holy Shit!  Red Wedding!
• Homeland - It tapered off this season, but it's still pretty cool.
• Mad Men - Another perennial that has its down episodes but also has some incredible ones.
• The Newsroom - Definitely a show for liberals but I'm cool with that.
• Sons of Anarchy - So many bad things happen at once, it sucks to watch it week to week.

Drama - Lead Actress

• Claire Danes, Homeland – The interrogation scene - enough said.
• Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife -  I guess she's good in a good show.
• Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black - This show is way cool and she's like 7 people.
• Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men – Oh Peggy, no men to turn to anymore, so just take over the whole goddamn company.
• Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy – You never know when to trust her or to run like hell - right, Tara?
• Kerry Washington, Scandal – Pretty slutty - good thing she's hot and kinda noble.

Drama - Lead Actor

• Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad – He wasn't eligible last year which is the only reason he lost.
• Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom – He's fighting the good fight with self-righteous dialogue.
• Jon Hamm, Mad Men – Don needs to start saving money for Sally's therapy.
• Damian Lewis, Homeland – See Claire Danes.
• Andrew Lincoln, The Walking Dead – His wife is dead, he's got a baby that might not be his in the zombie apocalypse - it's enough to make anyone crazy.
• Jonny Lee Miller, Elementary – He made a nuanced and original take on the character.

Drama - Supporting Actress

• Jennifer Carpenter, Dexter –Making Dexter go to serial killer rehab is not as easy as she thought.
• Michelle Fairley, Game of Thrones – Red F****** Wedding - at least she took a creepy Frey with her.
• Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad – She's so trapped, but really rich.
• Christina Hendricks, Mad Men - St. Joan of bad decisions - you can't make Bob Benson straight.
• Emily Mortimer, The Newsroom - She should be in the Lead Actress category.
• Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey – The show was down but she's still amazing.

Drama - Supporting Actor

• Jonathan Banks, Breaking Bad – He knew Walt would be the death of him...
• Tony Goldwyn, Scandal - Wow, this is a frustrating character, yet pretty hot.
• Vincent Kartheiser, Mad Men – Time for sweaty-faced Pete to get some Academy love - they shave his head for a receding hairline for Christ's sake!
• Bob Oedenkirk, Breaking Bad – Way too under appreciated.
• Mandy Patinkin, Homeland - No reason why he didn't get nominated last year.
• Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad – He's just really good.
• Sam Waterston, The Newsroom – I'm not sure if he's an alcoholic or has Parkinson's, but he's a badass.

Guest Actress - Comedy

• Maria Bamford, Arrested Development - Really strange role for a strange girl.
• Gaby Hoffmann, Louie -She talked and talked while Louie did nothing - someone deserves credit for that scene.
• Liza Minnelli, Arrested Development - Always great as Lucille 2.
• Megan Mullally, Parks and Recreation - Tammy 2 is always a welcome guest.
• Jenny Slate, Parks and Recreation - She reminded me of Rafi from The League.
• Octavia Spencer, 30 Rock - Laying it down hard, Oscar-winner style.

Where was Merrit Wever for New Girl?  BOOOOOO!

Guest Actor - Comedy

• Matthew Broderick, Modern Family - Ferris is kind of gay.
• Anders Holm, The Mindy Project - I really liked his character but hate religion.
• Tim Minchin, Californication - He was an amazing fuck-up.
• Mike O'Malley, Glee - You can't not love this character whenever he's on screen - he'll be nominated again next year for Finn's funeral episode.  RIP Cory Monteith.
• John Slattery, Arrested Development - He plays a great drugged-out weirdo, remember 30 Rock?
• Dean Winters, 30 Rock - It's the last we'll see from the Beeper King...tear.

I totally would have picked Rafi from The League, but he wasn't listed.  He kills me.

Guest Actress - Drama

• Alison Brie, Mad Men – Laid the hurt on sweaty-faced Pete.
• Jane Fonda, The Newsroom - She's a badass and she and Charlie had that fake-happy conversation - kudos on both parts.
• Shirley McClaine, Downton Abbey - She proves Americans were never this stuffy.
• Martha Plimpton, The Good Wife - She's tricky and says smart things.
• Carrie Preston, The Good Wife - Ellsbeth is unknowingly cool.
• Diana Rigg, Game of Thrones - Another tough old broad to turn tradition on its ass - I want my cheese now too dammit.

Guest Actor - Drama

• Jere Burns, Justified - I'm going from season 3 because I'm not caught up but I love Kirk from Dear John making a comeback.
• Walton Goggins, Sons of Anarchy - He is everywhere and I'm really liking it, but only this one time with those knockers.
• Harry Hamlin, Mad Men – I think he makes a quirkier, even-more casual counterpart to Roger.
• Eddie Izzard, Hannibal - I've got to pick someone else, even though Michael J. Fox is going to win.
• Harold Perrineau, Sons of Anarchy - Badass in a set your daughter on fire while you watch and then go buy neighborhood children ice cream kind of way.
• Matthew Perry, The Good Wife - He's just so smarmy.

It's gotta win for makeup, right?

Random Lists about TV

5 new shows I was surprised I liked:

• Elementary – Jonny Lee Miller is a total badass Sherlock.
• Hannibal – Pretty brutal and bloody.
• Bates Motel – I think the acting is weird and over-the-top but I like the story.
• Nashville – It’s really soapy.
• Revolution - There's lots of secrets and fighting.

5 shows that will make the summer tolerable:

• Breaking Bad – What are you going to do, Hank?
• Dexter – What are you going to do, Deb?
• Arrested Development – Disappointing AD is better than no AD.
• The Newsroom – It’s weird to think that Jeff Daniels is almost 60.
• King and Maxwell – Just to see Ryan Hurst from Sons of Anarchy - man, summer TV is bleak.  Turns out he plays a high-functioning autistic with no beard.  That's 2 very, unsexy strikes and the show is just awful.  And he wears giant Grandma glasses and white gym shoes - I miss Opie!

5 Shows I will catch up on this summer:

• Justified
• Scandal - Done in a weekend.  Why are there gay Republicans ever?
• House of Cards
• Sherlock
• The Hour – I really don’t want to hear Dominic West using his British accent.

5 shows you should catch up on this summer – what else do you have to do?  Oh yeah, jobs and family and what not…

• Sons of Anarchy – I NEVER want to hear Charlie Hunnam use his British accent.
• Battlestar Galactica – It’s not about creepy aliens and monsters - it's about robots that look like people and it's awesome.
• The Wire – One of the best shows ever and the reason I'm used to Dominic West speaking like a Baltimorian.
• Nurse Jackie – Half hour episodes – you breeze right through them.
• Episodes – Douches are rampant in Hollywood, but this is Joey Tribbiani swearing and being slutty.

5 shows I don’t really want to watch anymore but I feel obligated:

• True Blood – This show is terrible.  Please start following the books, yet keep Alcide and Eric naked, story permitting, of course.  First 2 eps, effing torture.
• Nikita – I have 19 on my DVR, ugh!
• Wilfred – It’s something to put on, but it mostly makes me angry.
• Burn Notice – I’m a season or two behind, I think I'll just watch the finale.
• Boardwalk Empire – I need it to come back to OnDemand because I have time now - too much.

5 shows I’m sad were canceled:

• Happy Endings – I was a late-comer to this, but it’s better than any CBS sitcom.
• Go On – It was not as bad as Mr. Sunshine – pretty shocking it got the axe.
• Ben & Kate – Quirky and fun.
• Don’t Trust the B**** in Apt 23 – James Van Der Beek was great as James Van Der Beek.
• Smash – Yeah, I developed a crush on Jack Davenport – I’ll have to watch Coupling now, Nowak!

5 shows I’m glad I have never seen an episode:

• Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice – The epitome of sappy chick shows.
• The New Normal – I fast-forward through Nene when she’s on Glee.  Boo, for putting her on a show!  YAY for canceling it!
• Any show with Kardashians or Housewives or Jersey trash – Please, make a gigantic suicide pact.
• Anger Management – Charlie Sheen doesn’t need to work, stop giving him the opportunity.
• Everything with Tyler Perry’s name on it.

5 shows I wish were shown in syndication:

• The West Wing – I used to wake up to it on Bravo, but it’s gone now.  I couldn't commit to something new and now I'm half-way through Season 1 - Big Block of Cheese Day!
• Buffy – It used to be on F/X and then Logo, now nothing.
• Friday Night Lights – Can’t lose.
• The Shield – Bad cop, Bad cop.  I found it on NUVO - it's in English, but the commericals are in Spanish.  Andale!
• Ally McBeal – I don’t want to watch the DVDs, but would flip to it given the option.

5 shows I wish would stop being shown in syndication:

• Friends – It really doesn’t hold up well.
• Fresh Prince of Bel-Air – Never watched it, never will.
• The Golden Girls – I still don’t find it funny.
• According to Jim – It was never funny, please let it die – soon.  Please.  Really.
• Everything by Tyler Perry – TBS, stop this madness.  Show more Cougar Town or My Name is Earl, anything.